Is There a Pregnant Bride Double Standard?

Weigh in on society's view of brown pregnant brides.

Recently I was enjoying an episode of Bravo’s Bethenny’s Getting Married? (the episode when she cried with her officiant — I started crying, too) and viewing the chef/author/reality star shopping for wedding gowns and ceremony venues with her pregnant belly got me to thinking…How would the public react if the premise of this show was the same but Bethenny was Black?

Now let’s get something out of the way: Bethenny Frankel is my favorite NYC Housewife and from the outside looking in, I’m very happy for her and her family. I even joke to my real friends that Bethenny has become a friend in my head. That is the truth, Ruth. But I don’t think the masses (regardless of race or class for that matter) would have such a positive acceptance of the show if Bethenny were Black. Lots of folks are claiming that America is now a post-racial society — especially since a Black man in Commander-in-Chief. Um…nah. I beg to differ. I even posted the poll below here on Triple B:

Would you consider walking down the aisle with a visible baby bump?

A – Nah, I would just wait until after the baby was born.

B – Sure, what is the big deal?

85% of you chose A which I think is very telling. Of course this poll only tells a fraction of a huge story and I have found that most Black folks (contrary to popular opinion) are quite conservative. There are so many social and historical factors to consider: Black women in mainstream society are typically portrayed as Precious (mammy) or Nicki Minaji (overly sexual) — there are very few Michelle Obamas in the forefront. That is partly why I started this site. And just maybe Bethenny’s show is a case of a tree simply being a tree. Someone could literally write an entire dissertation on this topic; I’ve only begun to scratch the surface because I merely want to start the discussion and let you guys tell me your thoughts. So spill it Triple B fam: Do you think the show Bethenny’s Getting Married? would be celebrated as much if she were Black? Why/why not? Sound off please.

Bethenny and her baby bump preparing to say "I Do".

P.S. – Apologies for the missing posts this week. Even my mother called me about Tie the Knot Tuesday being MIA (she loves to look at the pics). I’ll make up for it.

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  1. We (Blacks) have always been put down about getting pregnant before marriage so, I know if Bethenny was Black she would not get a positive acceptance due to the double standards in this society. I remember Dick Greogory back in the early 70’s talking about how they (Whites) put us down about having abortions and he said “If we ever get our hands on your abortion cards, we will show you how to set a record straight”. I have lived to see a lot of changes in this world but, I still know there is a double standard. Different strokes for different folks!

  2. I don’t think Bethenny’s show is cute at all. Walking down any aisle in a WHITE gown fitted over a baby bump is just silly. I know that the idea of ‘virgin white’ is considered passe and old-fashioned but, she just looked bad. If it had been Omarosa or anyone else from the African Diaspora, not even ghetto BET would have picked up that show. The reason for the double standard is that WE haven’t given up on our principles. Being ‘mainstream’ is not always the answer. When your mind is too open, people can diminish you while you think you’re being accepting. All that being said, the only wedding gown color I can control is my own so…to each her own.

  3. Avatar Sharonda says:

    FYI: Wedding gowns were all colors before white gowns became the trend. It just happened to stick. Who cares if she was pregnant and wearing a white gown? Is that any different from a woman who’s not pregnant wearing a white gown.. even if she ISN’T a virgin? If walking down the aisle pregnant in a white dress is “silly” then so is walking down in a white dress if you’re not a virgin or have ever kissed or touched someone intimately, cause either way you’re not “PURE”. And I guess i’m going to be a silly mofo walking down the aisle in September at 5 months pregnant in my WHITE dress. I planned on wearing it before I got pregnant so y should i feel i have to change it?. It’s stupid how people have put a label on colors and try to push it on other people (just as with skin color) . Who the hell says white means this and brown means that and purple means this? They are COLORS. And to get back on the subject, if Bethenny were black, there wouldn’t be a show period.

  4. Well I too adore Bethenny. However, I can’t say that I holistically agree with the comments, which state that Black women are looked down upon if they are pregnant prior to marriage. In our society, it is unfortunately a growing expectation that we [women of color] will have children prior to marriage. Call me a conservative, but I strongly believe that women of color should be more aware of their premarital choices because this has grown to become the expectation rather than an exception. This may be harsh, but it is our culture that coined the term, “baby mama” and has made it a house hold term of humorous ridicule and a title of unacceptance and disregard. For our culture, pregancies prior to marriage is not a path towards the world of marital bliss, as it often is with our white contemporaries. In most cases, pregancies prior to marriage, is the road to single motherhood, and/or every other weekend visitations. So for me, I believe that in order for us to begin to break these cycles of generational poverty, generational single parenthood, and generational broken homes, we need to make an attempt to make choices that are aligned with how our Creator intended. Simply stated, do things in order. Look at these misguided women from “Basketball Wives”. Many of them don’t even realize that they are NOT Basketball “wives” at all. –And a four year-two kid-shacking up- engagement does not equate “wife”. I mean seriously, have the ceremony. It’s disgusting. I hate to be cliche, and do to my ongoing love-hate relationship with Beyonce I can not believe that I am typing this, but real talk, “If he likes it, then he shoulda PUT A RING ON IT.” (@Sharonda: Yes, I agree, if Bethenny were black…there wouldn’t be a show. So does that answer the question?)

  5. I TOTALLY AGREE with Amber H.M!!!! Totally!!!! Every single word!!!! U go girl!!! More women need to read, listen take heed or how ever they decide to receive it as long as they get it!!!! Come on SBW wake up!!!!


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