Marriage Matters Monday: Enjoying the View

Let the Good Times Roll: There is nothing like bonding with great friends and family!

Happy Monday, folks! Today I’m doing something a little different on Triple B. I don’t have any bridal finds or exclusive Q&As to share. (Although there are some coming!) I’m just writing from the heart. And since I haven’t had a Marriage Matters post on the site in a minute I thought, ‘Why not share this weekend’s experience?’

What happened this weekend you’re wondering? Well, I attended the baby dedication and house blessing of my girlfriend and her husband. Said friend and I met while in college over a decade ago and have witnessed each other navigate through countless ups and downs of life. Dozens of loved ones — many who traveled from far distances — were gathered for not one but two joyous occasions: the celebration of a precious new life and a gorgeous new home. The afternoon was filled with tons of laughs while reminiscing over great times of the past and creating wonderful (and hilarious) new ones.

Whenever I get together with this group of amigos I leave feeling even more inspired and encouraged about love and marriage. There were at least seven married Black couples present — all under the age of 40. And I have witnessed practically all of them go through ish that would send many couples to divorce court. They’re honest about their trials and tribulations since saying “I Do” but are wise enough to know that certain matters aren’t to be discussed in-depth outside the home. (The latter is something I’m now appreciating the value of as a single/dating woman, too. Most love decisions shouldn’t be made by committee.)

Just being in the presence of real dedication and commitment on this level reminds me of what I’ve long believed: Long-term happiness in marriage is indeed attainable and not as rare as we are lead to believe. I don’t care how many studies the Pew Research Center and TIME magazine conduct. Yes, we all know at least one married couple that seems to stay hitched solely for the kids, the money or the “prestige”. And we all know that is totally wic-wic-wack. And I also know couples (many of my faves in fact) in long-term, exclusive relationships who are not married and don’t care to be. I’m certainly not knocking them at all. But danggit it feels so good to have moments like Saturday evening where I can witness the beauty of marriage up close and personal with folks that I love who are my peers. No airs and fronting like we’re lovey dovey but as soon as we get home we barely talk to each other. What I witnessed Saturday night can’t be faked.

And instead of having woe is me moments as a single woman approaching her mid-30s, I am able to soak up the positive vibes and continue to try being the best me I can be. (I’m a work-in-progress, y’all!) This probably seems real corny and cliche to some of you but I much rather be at this party than the men ain’t ish, all Black women are lonely and miserable pity party which is way too crowded anyway.

Somewhere in between chowing down on our friend Tina’s bangin’ turkey lasagna and cracking up at the heated sports debate over Kobe versus LeBron my friend Toya whispered to me, “This is beautiful.” It sounded as though she was thinking out-loud. I quickly looked around the room and agreed. I might not be married but I’m so thankful that I am able to enjoy the beauty of it, even from a distance, in the meantime.

P.S. – Lamar and Ronnie Tyler of Black and Married with Kids have an excellent take on the recent PEW/Time study that you should definitely read if you haven’t already.

P.P.S. – The above image is actually a picture of an oil painting my father created at least 25 years ago. I didn’t have a suitable picture to upload from Saturday on my camera but then I remembered this painting evokes the same feelings that I had at the housewarming and dedication. My father’s inspiration for this painting was the many Bid Whist and potluck parties he and my mother would have with their friends as newlyweds. They didn’t have a lot of money but there was always good food, good music, plenty of laughs and a whole lotta love…just like Saturday!

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    Comments

    1. Hey BBB family! That was beautiful commentary. Yes, we all need to stop and smell the roses. We forget that when we live our lives we witness to each other. I’m sure we all have friends and family that show that Black love is alive and kicking! Be blessed!

    2. Great post. Witnessing true love is inspiring. Knowing it exists makes the pursuit a bit easier. Other than woman, love may be the toughest thing to figure out.

    3. Zenobia Hatcher-Wilson says:

      Bridg, I remember that painting well AND I remember being a part of the good times too! I’m glad to hear that you are making your own memories to store and to cherish.

    4. @Aunt Zee – THANK YOU! Our family has so many precious (and hilarious) memories to treasure. I admittedly used to take them for granted but the older I get the more I cherish them.

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