The Road to Mrs. – Bridesmaid Blues: How to Fire a Bridesmaid

Bride-to-be Nadine is getting over a case of the bridesmaid blues.

This was a tough post to write.  But when I made the decision to share my wedding plans here on Triple B, I knew I’d have to share all of it: the ups and the downs. I had to remove one of my bridesmaids from my bridal party. It is definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It had nothing to do with the usual transgressions such as a bridesmaid cheating with the fiancé, being unresponsive or demanding. Mine was a situation that took me completely by surprise.

The Rundown: My bridesmaid’s boyfriend worked at our reception venue and was able to get us a discount of a couple hundred dollars. We expressed our thanks and thought that should’ve been it. However, her boyfriend regularly made jokes about sabotaging our wedding. You should know that her boyfriend has a history of saying inappropriate things and hitting below the belt. It may have been funny at first but he just wouldn’t stop.

Sean spoke with him and we considered the matter closed. Just before Christmas at his birthday party, he started again with the jokes. Again, Sean asked him to chill. He felt we were being “sensitive.” I had reached my limit and was furious. Things got heated. How heated? He threw his bag across the floor and charged at me like he wanted to hit me. Seriously? Luckily for him Sean maintained his cool or things would’ve been a lot worse.

The Fallout: Once the shock wore off, we needed to figure out exactly what his involvement was in our wedding. Management at our venue assured us it would be zero. Still, I didn’t want to risk any of his negativity seeping into my wedding day so I had to let my bridesmaid go. I gave her the bad news and was honest about where I was coming from. Her boyfriend’s actions were inexcusable. He’s affected my wedding and more importantly our friendship. Now do you see why this post was so tough to write? Thankfully I was able to find a replacement bridesmaid. She’s a dear friend and I’m excited to have her in my bridal party. I’ve been in a funk for weeks and finally feel ready to put it all behind me and move forward with my planning.

Remember: Removing a bridesmaid from your bridal party should always be a final measure. However if your find yourself in this dilemma, consider these tips:

Never fire in front of other bridesmaids. If you have to give your bridesmaid the bridezilla boot, do it in private. Don’t embarrass her in front of the other bridesmaids.

Tell it to her straight. Resist the urge to drunkenly text your bridesmaid, “U R not in my wedding party anymore.” Be strong and direct and verbally say, “I’d like you to step down as a bridesmaid.” Then give her the reason why. Follow up with “I hope we can still be friends and that you’ll attend the wedding as a guest.”

Prepare for fallout. When you ask a bridesmaid to step down, you’re potentially putting your friendship on the chopping block. Let her go as a last resort.

Have you ever fired a bridesmaid? How did it go? Are you still friends?

[Bridgette’s Note: Have any of you ever willingly resigned from your bridesmaid duties? I have and I’d love to read those comments as well.]

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  1. In planning my wedding, I actually started off with 4 bridesmaids. Unresponsiveness, and constant disagreements from dress style to color to price just made it too much of a hassle. I spoke to my girls directly and individually and told them I really needed them to just be guests. I had my Maid of Honor and no headaches. My girls and I are still very close.

    On the flip side I also stepped down from being a bridesmaid after realizing that I couldn’t put up with the bride’s attitudes or demands. If I continued to be her bridesmaid, I know for sure I would have lost a dear friend.

  2. I am sorry this happened but you did the right thing. I hope your friendship is not permanent damaged by this but you really had no choice. I hope your friend also evaluates why she is dating such a person. I had 4 bridesmaids and did not have any issues. Several of my bridesmaids were married or had been married so they knew the deal. I also strived to not be super bridezilla. We are all still friends, so we survived! :)

  3. LOVE this post! So real and so raw — and I’m SO sorry! I had to fire a bridesmaid for something very painful too. In fact I had to remove her from my life altogether. She was toxic to me and my then-husband-to-be and I actually felt like keeping her in our lives would be a threat to my relationship. Letting her go wasn’t easy and I cried a lot, but I have ZERO regrets. Be proud of yourself for handling this the way you did. :-)

  4. Hey ladies, thanks for your comments! @Dee: You did the right thing in both situations. Thankfully you were able hold onto your friendships. @Tiffany In Houston: Thanks so much! Only time will tell what happens with our friendship. I guess we’ll see what happens. @ManWifeDog: Thanks for sharing. That must have been really hard to come to terms with. Good for you for being strong enough to do what needed to be done! Thanks

  5. I’m getting married in 23 days and just recently found out that my bridesmaid (who I am not the closest friend with lately) is dating a married man.
    I am not sure what to do about this. I find it disrespectful and can’t imagine having her as my bridesmaid anymore. Having fired someone yourself do you think I should just suck it up or should I let her go.
    She hasn’t paid for a thing, I had to pay for it with her saying she’d pay me back. And I should also mention that she got divorced a few months back and was cheating on her husband before she even left him.
    I’m just losing my mind.

  6. I have a bridesmaid who does not play well with others. I asked her out of obligation,since we’ve been friends for years. But, she was rude to my mom at the shower, ruined my bachelorette party because she didn’t help plan it but was upset that we did what I wanted to do instead of what she wanted to do, and she was very open about the fact that she is not looking forward to the big day. She also hates my fiancé, who has been exceptionally patient and wonderful with her, and does not want the wedding to happen. I should add that the only “task” I asked of my bridesmaids was to buy a dress. They are all wearing their own shoes and doing their own hair and makeup to save money. My MOH threw the shower and bachelorette party, and everyone else has simply shown up to events. No problem I am dreading the day of now, and I am already ready to let the friendship dissolve after the wedding. I want to remove her but don’t want to be the “bridezilla”. Help!

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