If you’re looking for a fluffy piece on the latest wedding trends, you’ll have to forgive me. I’ve been dealing with difficult future in-laws (FILs) so I’m going to vent and offer some tips on how to maintain your cool.
Let me preface this by saying I love being engaged. What I don’t love is the constant interference of certain members of my fiancé’s family in our wedding planning. Considering Sean and I are paying for and hosting our wedding — with minimal financial contributions from our families — I’m amazed they’ve been so opinionated.
Sadly, their interference is something we’ve dealt with before. After two emotionally draining sit-downs, I thought we had put this behind us. I guess not. Now with our wedding day less than 3 months away, my FILs have slowed down our momentum with their meddling. They say our wedding planning doesn’t fall in line with their views or what they feel is traditionally done. Who cares?! We say we can take whatever we want from tradition and make it our own because it’s our day!
Believe me, I’m not some demanding bridezilla. In fact, I’ve been laid back. I haven’t asked for much and I don’t think the few things I have asked for would be considered unreasonable. But things hit the fan when an important request I made brought on reactions from my FILs I never expected. It was disrespectful, insulting and hurtful.
So where is this coming from? I believe the reasons pre-date my relationship with Sean. He knows that he needs to address it with his family and is taking the necessary steps.
FILs headaches will make or break your relationship. While we’re stronger for the experience, the additional stress so close to our wedding is something I will never forget. Rather than dwell on the negative, Sean and I have chosen to move forward in a positive direction, standing our ground and focusing on our special day. For me, right now moving forward also means I’ve decided to keep my distance from his family. On our wedding day, I’ll do my best to be as gracious. Maybe things will improve over time, maybe not. We’ve had enough negativity and drama. Our priority is with us.
If you’re in a similar situation and wondering how to deal, check out these tips:
Stand Your Ground…Together: Your marriage must be the most important familial relationship you have. You answer to each other and no one else. Family members will need to learn to take a back seat so try to set your familial boundaries ASAP!
Freak-Out & Move On: Expect to have at least one freak-out moment the closer you get to your wedding. So long as it’s the exception and not norm, it’s okay. I had mine. It was in my car on our way home after hearing the latest development. In my fury, I hit my dashboard so hard that my hand was sore for days. I had no idea Sean had recorded the audio until I heard it last week. He joked and said he’d never seen me so angry and felt he needed to capture the moment. It was so hilarious I couldn’t help but smile.
Avoid Wedding Day Drama: If your issues with your FILs haven’t been resolved by your wedding, don’t let that ruin your day. Try to be gracious. And if you need extra support, lean on your husband, family and friends.
Don’t expect an overnight solution. People can and do change, but it’s not realistic to expect your FIL problems to suddenly disappear. Be realistic and expect a future similar to your present situation. For your own peace of mind and soul, you may just have to let them be who they are.
Decide What Matters Most. Are you happy in your relationship? Can you live with your FILs not liking or accepting you? You need to decide if this is a small price to pay for your relationship. All relationships have their own unique challenges.
Are your future in-laws making your wedding planning difficult? How are you coping?
Get more behind the scenes wedding planning from Nadine — including hilarious videos with Sean — here!