Final Friday with Cousin Mars – Do Men Get the Baby Itch?

Triple B's resident male blogger Cousin Mars gives his three cents on the male baby itch.

So you’re wondering if men get the baby itch? Of course men get The Baby Itch. Why wouldn’t we? The biggest difference relates to when and why our itch arrives. It APPEARS (whether true, or not) to many men that a large percentage of women place having a child on their life’s To Do List. It actually seems as though having a child is part of a hopeful accomplishment list for many women. Conversely, men often attempt to check off all items on the hopeful accomplishment list prior to procreating. There is no possible way for a post with this subject to be written without several generalizations. I am well aware that there are a significant number of men (term used very loosely) that do not give any thought when participating in Grown Folk Behavior…if a child results, so be it — is their philosophy. This post doesn’t apply to that group. Nor does it apply to the women that couldn’t care less about having children (but I still think they should continue reading my post).

I have to be honest and share that I never considered having children until I was in my 30s. All of my friends, male and female, spent ample time and energy attempting to change my view on having children. The closer I got to turning thirty, the more I realized both genders were as interested in being parents. The only difference seemed to be timing. Many of my female friends wanted to check off this item by thirty, whereas the males hoped to be in a position to comfortably handle the responsibilities that accompany starting a family by the age of thirty. Patience, finances, and time management (with respect to work hours) all seemed to play a major part of my male friends decision in delaying the attempt at starting a family. In my opinion, as a man gets closer to accomplishing many of his career goals and/or minimizes the personal importance of these goals he has more time to dedicate to the idea of family. It is actually pretty simple. We may not be capable of thinking about too much all at once (50% joke). However, when we are ready – we GO HARD.

It may surprise you that the male itch can be as strong as our female counterparts. American and Caribbean societies have convinced many of us to view the male as the Family Anchor. I can admit that women traditionally serve as the nuts and bolts that keep the machine operating, but the pressure society has put on the man is noooo joke. My theory is as follows:

If you want to have a child with me at (insert age here), imagine how much a few years of maturity, money management and career ladder climbing can put me in a position to exceed your current expectations.

Basically, be patient with us.

 What do you think of your favorite cousin’s theory on the male baby itch? Let him know in the comments. Is there a topic you want Cousin Mars to tackle that he hasn’t addressed? Send an email to: with the deets and he’ll take a stab at it!




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  1. Cousin Mars, I wish more men thought like you before making babies they’re not ready to take care of. Good post!

  2. Another one! Great job.I actually forwarded this psst to my brother. He said you nailed it.

  3. I hear and appreciate you, Mars.
    I do, however, regard this kind of thinking as a newer phenomenon. In generations past, men and women alike worked on their families WHILE they were working on their careers. This no longer happens. It seems like we’re tying to be some kind of ‘finished product’ before we do ‘it’-whether that’s being in a relationship, having children or taking the dream vacation. The truth I have learned (from friends’ experiences) is that we are never “prepared”. Adult life is full of curve balls. If you wait until things are just so, it may be too late to enjoy some of your dreams.
    Oh, I forgot- men can have kids all the way until their dying day. Maybe we women seem to have different timing from men because our biology demands it…

  4. Thanks for weighing in guys. Incog, you raise excellent points!

  5. Avatar SpikesDtr says:

    Parenting is a serious life long commitment. It should never be “a given” that every marriage results in procreation. It requires serious consideration on many levels. It shouldn’t be rushed due to age or availability. Not every great couple is parent worthy or capable. Having a child will change your life forever and therefore requires monumental thought and discussion.

  6. Geena – Not all men that currently share my thought process on this issue, have always had these views. For many of us it is a process. I wish more men were aware enough to avoid having children until they put adequate thought into the idea.
    Sharon – Thanks
    Incog – I agree, this is a newer phenomenon. However, I believe it is here to stay – at least for a couple of generations. Societal changes and the challenge of achieving financial stability have, in my opinion, led to this change in mentality. I believe children are the biggest beneficiaries. More parents are having children at a point in their lives that allows them to give more attention. Trust me, I know older parent doesn’t always equate to better parent.

  7. @ SpikesDtr – PREACH! Just joking, but thanks for the comment.

  8. So, if achieving ‘financial stability’ is the goal, why would one assume that to be easier with 1 income rather than having the dual benefit of more $ AND a partner with whom one can share accountability? I think that responsibility is more important than stability. One’s choices and behaviors are more predictive of future comfort/security than is the absolute amount of money earned/accumulated.
    Now, I am not saying that everyone MUST have children. I am suggesting that, if men of quality think they’re going to wait until they’re ‘established’ to think about finding a wife and getting down to reproducing, they may find that the wonderful women who are their age-peers are, physiologically, able to do so and that the only option is to settle for a younger woman who may be more fertile but may also be less interesting, mature, supportive and self-actualized than he is. My last comment’s reference to the past was meant to remind us that couples used to grow and mature TOGETHER rather than before becoming a team.
    But, this lesson will become clear to all as the US birthdate continues to fall and the educated realize that we have already been ‘out-multiplied’ by those who didn’t spend their fecund years exclusively in school and a budding career.

  9. No baby itch right now, but we do want another one. I worry that between bfing and how long it took last time Siena will be in kindergarten before we have another…trying to just enjoy what I have, but I’m a big fan of having a sibling.

  10. @Incog – You raise (more) valid points.

    @Carnosine – Thanks for your pov.

    I’m glad this post from Cous’ Mars has sparked such a lively dialogue. Keep it going, folks!

  11. Correction:
    …their age peers are *NOT, physiologically, able to do so…

    I plead with the Black family to work together, rather than seeing ourselves as widgets who can do everything solo. That is not an African concept of ‘self’. We are all made better and greater when we’re in community with each other.

  12. We are all made better and greater when we’re in community with each other.
    Totally worth repeating!

  13. Bridgette Bridgette says:

    Cous’ Mars – Ditto!

  14. Thanks a lot for sharing this with all people you actually recognize what you’re talking about!
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    agreement among us

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