Final Fridays with Cousin Mars – Husband Material

3 Signs a Man Is Ready

Is it after one year? Is it after he introduces you to mom? How about when he is comfortable enough to say “I love you” in the presence of his friends? Oh yeah…this one is good…what about after he gives you a key to his place? Having many close friends of the opposite sex, I’ve been amazed at the types of clues some women looked for to determine if their significant other was indeed ready for marriage. Being a dude that has been on more than just a few dates (____ READ HERE ____), I can tell you that none of the previously mentioned clues is enough to think that he is ready for that leap.

This is totally a subjective post. Please don’t use this to start an argue-scussion with your beau tonight. Let me start by saying, I think many in our current society believe they are ready for marriage prematurely. The high U.S. divorce rate is indicative of this. Our right now, reality television, Soulja Boy & Trinidad James rise to stardom, and Bridezillas having a Twitter following type of society is enough proof to me that collectively we should take a moment to consider our choices only after a thorough vetting process.

  • Has he started questioning some of your habits that were once ignored? This type of fine-toothed comb evaluation usually begins when a man is considering spending the rest of his life with a woman that he admits has some annoying tendencies. This isn’t all bad. In fact, it could be great. What he is trying to do is twofold. First, he wants to determine how he can best assist in a remedy. For example, let’s say you have challenges being punctual. You’re thinking he never made a huge deal about this during the X# of years you two dated. Let’s even assume you recognize this is something you should work on, but for whatever reason you haven’t succeeded. In his mind asking questions about this potentially sensitive subject allows him to gauge how adamant you are about changing (or not) and also gives an opportunity for him to offer suggestions to work toward improving. If he’s good at this, you may actually miss the initially subtle questioning and advice.
  • Is he using “we” a lot more when discussing future plans? Future plans can include many things. This is probably the easiest sign to mistake. Be careful ladies, you don’t want to get excited for nothing. During this stage you may recognize many hypothetical questions. These questions are normally used to help determine if you are the type of wife, mother, tag-team partner he expects his mate to be. It may seem funny to you all, but these things aren’t that important to a dude until we’re considering graduating a woman from girlfriend status into fiancé/wife status. By the way, this can get more intense during the actual engagement period.
  • Okay…I’m not taking the easy way out here, but the final Sign a Man Is Ready is when you THINK he is ready. No, NOT when you want him to be ready. Not when that chick at your job gets married and you start thinking her ish isn’t nearly as together as yours. I’m talking about when your heart of hearts is telling you that he is ready. In fact, I’m talking about that good ol’ woman’s intuition. Yup, when that speaks to your gut…YOU KNOW IT!

I’ve had some fun with this post. I think these signs can be helpful if you are in fact a woman who is trying to determine if her male significant other is ready for marriage. However, being realistic and honest with yourself in addition to having serious (even if slightly uncomfortable) dialogue with your dude is by far the best indicator as to determining if he is truly ready for marriage.

What do you think of my advice on this topic? Let me know in the comments!

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  1. I hope you know that I am now re-playing a million scenarios in my head. You clearly put the disclaimer at the end of the post, but I may still look-out for these signs. Thanks Cousin Mars.

  2. The best tip is the last one: trust your gut! Not what you want your gut to say but what it is ACTUALLY saying.

  3. Bridgette Bridgette says:

    @Erica & Nae – Thx for stopping by and showing Cous’ Mars some love.

    FYI everyone – After reading this post with fresh eyes, I felt the need to clarify that Mars penned this advice with women in mind who are looking to marry their boyfriends and who feel that they are ready but are unsure if he is. However we’re clear that not all unmarried women are pining for a ring/proposal. Triple B isn’t in the business of condoning that women — gay, straight or otherwise — sit around and “wait” to be chosen. Because in the words of the profound Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

  4. Avatar SpikesDtr says:

    My translation: ladies sell your condos on Fantasy Island and pass go to get to solid land of reality. Communicate with (your) mates to determine if you share goals, marriage and others. Also, don’t be afraid of laying your plan on the table. Allow him to express whether or not his plan coincides with yours. Be honest to attract honesty. Sometimes feelings will get hurt but, we are not Humpty Dumpty.

  5. I agree, there have been times in my past that the signs pointed to he was ready, but my Gut knew he was not the one. Listen to your gut ladies and allow your Husband to be to find you!

  6. Missed you last month. Glad to have you back.

  7. From another guy’s point of view, all things being equal, I’d say the most critical action is the guy either giving you a key to the place or asking about moving in together. Next up? It would be the guy taking a serious interest in spending quality time with your immediate family (father, brother, siblings) outside of the time he would spend with his woman. One other strong hint is any question or interest in his woman’s opinion on the marriage process, location, style, etc. Guys are loathe to proactively talk about such things with their woman unless they’re really serious.

  8. Avatar Anonymous says:

    Good article, did you ever think of becoming a relationship coach?

  9. Bridgette Bridgette says:

    @Gerard – Welcome! It is a delight to have another male pov on this subject matter. I appreciate you weighing in with your comment. I hadn’t thought about it before but your point about a guy taking a serious interest in spending time w/ fam of his significant other — especially if that person has a close knit family — could in fact be very telling.

    @Anon – Thanks for showing Mars love.

  10. I wasn’t sure how this post was going to be received. Happy about the feedback.
    @EricaJ – I’m glad you noticed my disclaimer (lol)
    @Nae & Meeka – thanks for the support
    @Bridgette (a.k.a. Boss) – You must have known someone was about to Go In on me (jk)
    @SpikesDtr – I don’t think I heard a Humpty reference since Tupac…cool
    @Nigeema -Thanks for sharing

  11. @Gerard – Thanks for representing for the dudes
    @Anonymous – Hmmm…I’ll have to get back you. For now…I’ll focus on FINAL FRIDAYS

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