Final Friday with Cousin Mars: The Bachelor Party

Do you really want to know? Honestly, there are only three likely categories of a bachelor party.

1st. – A boring to mild night/weekend with several of his friends and possibly co-workers. This night may or may not include female entertainment. If it does include female entertainment, don’t worry — chances are that your set of tatas weren’t the only pair viewed prior to that night. But so what, didn’t he have cable television already anyway? Believe it or not, he has already compared yours to some celebrity…and guess what…He gave you the ring, right?

2nd. – A night/weekend full of liquor, strippers, and cold feet. Check this out, if he already decided (in his heart) that you’re the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, a gyrating, top heavy, fine-as-hell woman that rubs on wood (not an Apollo reference) shouldn’t change his mind. It’s true; she does help to create a momentary distraction. However, after praying to the porcelain God (hangover vernacular) and urinating most of yesterday’s liquor, one realizes that all this woman did was her job – she created a short lived fantasy. Many mature men once again realize at this moment that they truly want out of this lifestyle and become more excited with the quickly approaching nuptials.

3rd. – I compare bachelor parties to graduating college. Hear me out. This may take a paragraph to fully understand. Graduating college was a huge accomplishment for me. Knowing that my graduation was quite possibly the last time I’d see so many people that I had grown extremely close with was tough to swallow. Conversely, I realized that I had to be done with undergrad in order to truly begin to accomplish the many dreams developed in college. Of course partying, dormitory life, studying female anatomy (let’s just say I had an unofficial minor), and the fake independent adulthood I had experienced for the previous five years (not all of us were on the 4 year plan) was exhilarating, but all the possibilities that completing undergrad presented was more appealing to me. In conclusion, the bachelor life has been great (oh so great) but when you select the right person – one should realize all the possibilities afforded with a healthy marriage is far more appealing.

Having accepted his proposal, you decided that this is the man with whom you choose to spend the rest of your life. Are you really that concerned that one night or weekend prior to your wedding is going to change this feeling? My point is this – if you are confident that you selected the perfect mate for you, trust him (and your decision making) to be who you expect him to be. If he doesn’t celebrate in the manner that he desires, he may forever regret this decision. That regret can manifest itself in the relationship in several ways. Unfortunately he may internally (and wrongfully) blame you for not celebrating his way.

Ladies (and gents), what do you think of your favorite cousin’s take on the infamous “bachelor” party? Sound off! And feel free to check out more musings from Mars here.

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  1. Avatar Spikesdtr says:

    Stuff happens. Sometimes regrettable stuff happens. Stuff that happens when in the midst of the whirlwind of alcohol and/or drugs, posturing and bravado can overwhelm the core of a persons character. This is a valid concern. By the way, there is no perfect mate, Boo.

  2. Mars, thanks so much for “keeping it all the way one hundred” (as the young people say). Women are concerned about their significant others going to places like Brazil and Dominican Republic (and perhaps they should, LOL!) but I’ve learned that if a man wants to cheat, he’ll cheat. My heart was broken by a man who is a world traveler and had been to places like Rio, Vegas and Punta Cana but the woman who he had another relationship with and ultimately caused me not to speak to him for two years was American and from his old neighborhood in the Bronx. That experience hurt me much more than a random lap dance ever could. But this is just my story…

  3. @Spikesdtr Stuff happens – so true. However, controlling oneself when in the midst of the whirlwind of alcohol and/or drugs, posturing and bravado can overwhelm the core of a persons character is a lesson that should be learned before deciding to get married. Actually, I think this should be learned by the mid 20s. Maintaining my character with liquor in my system has never been difficult for me. As for the perfect mate comment – I intentionally worded that line PERFECT MATE FOR YOU. I do believe an imperfect person (as we all are) can be the perfect mate for a certain individual.
    Thanks for commenting.

  4. I agree with you Cousin Mars. It just so happens that my now husband(!) had no interest in such a celebration – he was content with a fishing trip ;-)

  5. Avatar Anonymous # 2 says:

    Wow! Very interesting article Mars. To each his own.

  6. Avatar Ed Smith says:

    Sounds good to me. Clearly this has been a straight male tradition for a really long time. I suppose–if one had the inkling–you could bury your head in any number of books, ancient and contemporary, and learn how this tradition has serviced marriage since the beginning of time (or at least since the beginning of marriage).
    Cousin Mars seems to have done his homework–as have his esteemed fellow revelers. So long as everyone got home safely/was paid a sum that was equal to their, uh, talent(s), and no one became an alcholic or gave up on their attempts at better money management, this working/playing relationship seems a perfect expression of western capitalism and after dinner theater.

  7. Hey Cousin Mars u made some interesting points. U need ur own talk show. LoL!! I believe having a bachelor party is more about friends being together and having fun. Celebrating a friends last day of being single lawfully, and most important spiritually. Fortunately looking @ one another all night sober will not b fun, and a lil gay ( excuse my insensitivity for those that r). God still loves ya!! Come on home!! Lol!!Jokes!! Back to most men definition of fun with the boys usually includes Lq, women, or @ least talk of women. Its the character of the man thats getting married who knows how to fall back, due to his love for his soon to b wife. Even when his single friends r going over board he is living through them. The secrets we hold together as friends makes the the night as special as the fun. @ the end of the night we would want the memories to b priceless. Twenty years down the line a married man loves to look back and say ” I did it all and I am content and satisfied”. He should b able to look her in her eyes and say ” my front windshield is bigger then my rearview mirror”. Basically, What’s in front of me is more important then what’s behind me.. “U AINT GOT NO WORRIES MY WIFE” LMAO!! Next come the babies and more bills, but also a lifetime of unconditional love. So Mars.. I think every man bachelor party should b off the Meters… LOL!!! Pardon any errors speed texting!! Uno!! Till next time!!!

  8. Avatar Gerald M. says:

    Insightful column Cousin Mars! Personally, I’ve never seen the appeal of the “traditional” BPs with the strippers and whatnot who are there to just “do their job” and get paid. I’d rather gather all of my buddies together and go off and do something that we’d never done before. On one hand, as a guy, being around strippers or getting a lap dance isn’t any harder (no pun intended) to do any other day of his adult life versus the eve of his wedding night. No big deal. On the other hand, I can definitely understand how it would make the fiance uncomfortable since the thought of my wife giving lap dances and having a dude all up on her is infuriating to me.

  9. Avatar rashida says:

    I think bachelor parties that include strippers are ridiculous and totally unnecessary! it’s not about the man changing his mind after the party. It’s about the need to have one more night of a strange woman gyrating on your lap, one more night to look at live ta tas. one more night for what??? if you need one MORE night for such activities, then take that night and then some and DON’T GET MARRIED YET. you obviously aren’t ready to settle down to one woman if one night of a loose woman’s company is what you need before you get married. just one woman’s opinion, be it an unpopular one. I never have been one to follow the sheep.

  10. Bridgette Bridgette says:

    Keep the comments coming, folks! I’m loving this exchange and it is refreshing to hear from more men in this space.

    @Rashida – I greatly appreciate your comment even if my own opinion differs. Life is boring when we all agree (or pretend that we all agree). As long as everyone is mature and respectful, Triple B is a safe place for everyone’s feedback.

  11. Not all men are fascinated by strip clubs. Some actually enjoy Poker night or fishing trips. Don’t believe that there is only one option to have fun.

  12. I would hope that most bachelor and bachelorette events fit into category #3-a celebration of the past while embracing the future-with or without liquor, strippers and whatever is your brand of fun. If your fiancé uses the bachelor/bachelorette party to cheat.they were going to do it anyway. And if you have not matured enough to exercise self control while under the influence..maybe this isn’t the point in your life that you should be making lifetime commitments.

  13. Cousin Mars Cousin Mars says:

    @ EVERYONE – Thank you for commenting. I knew this post would prompt some passionate responses. Please remember, the Triple B audience chooses the post topics. Please continue emailing your subjects of interests. I’ll continue offering a male’s p.o.v.
    Twitter – @CousinMars
    Instagram – @Cousin_Mars

  14. Great insight!! I agree. If you trust your mate, one night w the fellas shouldn’t be a concern. Most men, that I know, have a weekend w the fellas-no strippers included. Great article.

  15. Bridgette Bridgette says:

    And the comments are still coming! WOO HOO! I just want to echo the request Mars made. Remember, YOU greatly influence his post topics. Please continue emailing your subjects of interest to or

  16. Avatar Drey230 says:

    Boy have you got a way with words Cuzin Mars! You sure made option 3 sound like a good sell, even for the ladies – I love it! Honestly, you tell it like it is and that’s what makes your articles so real. Bachelor parties are not so much about the strippers and cheating like everyone is so concerned with, but more so a nail in the coffin to those times with your friends. Once you get married, priorities change and overtime, kids, and QT (quality time) take precedence to partying and man time. It’s the normal progression of life.
    Ladies, just let us say goodbye…

  17. Avatar Brandon says:

    “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus”, right Mars? That’s all I got to say.

  18. So long as we geese are entitled to as much ‘wilding’ as we want, as well, to each his own. Unfortunately, many fellas think it’s cool to have a night of raucous revels for themselves but still expect their lovely lady to have a tea party at her mom’s house serve as her farewell to single life.
    Like I said re: the joint bachelor/-ette party scenario, if both parties in a couple discuss their boundaries and honor each other while ‘celebrating’, that’s their own business. But, you kind of have to wonder…since he already has cable (& likely other sources of visual stimulation), why would missing out on 1 night breed resentment? He had his whole life before that point to do all of that mess.
    Regardless, just don’t do all of that partying the night before the actual wedding, a la The Wolfpack; it’s disrespectful to your families, guests & mate to be late/a hot mess on the wedding day due to such activities.

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