Many of you between the ages of 30 and 45 remember the hit song from Biz Markie – Just a Friend. Although this was just a song, it was and is a topic that many newlywed couples are forced to tackle. In my opinion, too many people expect their significant other to morph into a different person after marriage. Simply put – some post wedding day expectations are unrealistic and possibly foolish. Males and females are guilty of having expectations that are destined to cause heartache.
As I’ve stated in past posts, I think trust is paramount in successful relationships. I understand too many people appear to be comfortable violating their partner’s trust. However, maybe the true issue is not properly evaluating your significant other during the courting stage. If your boyfriend has close female friends while you two are dating, chances are he’ll have the same close female friends when/if your relationship develops into a marriage. Of course some things may need to change with these relationships post marriage, but this isn’t unique to relationships of the opposite sex. The relationship with your former college roommate must also change a bit, right? He no longer has the freedom to use your back-up key to bring random chicks to your spare bedroom for horizontal dance lessons, right? I fully understand that it is no longer acceptable to sleep in the same bed with that platonic female friend, let her know what bra and panty set will get her ex to reconsider forgiving her for snooping through his smartphone, or constantly confide in her everything that annoys you about the woman that has become your wife. However, I don’t think it is fair to suddenly expect these previously inseparable buddies to reduce their relationship to speaking only on birthdays, Turkey Day, and reunions.
We’ve all heard the saying “Happy wife = Happy life.” It amazes me that many wives have yet to learn this also goes the other way. When a husband is happy, his energy into assuring his family’s happiness is unparalleled. Also, wives are often more at peace when they feel their husband is truly happy. The crazy chick stories are often a result of women recognizing their mate isn’t happy, but not being aware of the best way to handle this dilemma.
If you’re confident that you made a good selection choosing a lifelong partner, why be concerned with the gender of certain friends? It would be totally wise to discuss boundaries and concerns. If fact, this should be done before any potential issues arise. Your husband will know what makes you uncomfortable and respond accordingly. By the way, when you demand that he ends pure friendships solely because the relationship is with a female – all he does is hide the friendship from you. Is that really what you want?
As always, please share your thoughts.