Final Fridays with Cousin Mars: My First Marriage Lesson


Although my first wedding anniversary is more than half a year away, I have already learned several lessons about marriage. Weather you are already married, planning a wedding, or simply just dating I think this post can be helpful. I am certain many more lessons will be learned throughout the coarse of my union. However, one of the jewels that I knew prior to getting hitched has proven to be truer then I could have ever imagined. Their are many characteristics I adore about my wife. Conversely, there are a few things about my wife that I haven’t fallen in love with. The aforementioned jewel that I entered marriage already knowing is the fact that nobody can change someone else (at least not long-term).

The four errors in the paragraph above of this post should help prove the point I am attempting to make. Since tying the knot, I have been reminded that pointing out somebody’s unflattering characteristics or errors isn’t always wise. I do feel that spouses should feel comfortable enough to discuss all challenges with each other – but only when time is right and all precautions have been taken to eliminate or minimize hurt feelings. The intended purpose of the writing errors in the first paragraph is to illustrate the major lesson I’ve been reminded of since jumping the broom. That lesson is if your progress or goal isn’t compromised, pointing out every error/mistake/less desired habit may not be necessary. Trust me…not pointing out someone’s flaws was once extremely difficult. Fortunately I’ve grown. In fact, I have even grown during my time as a husband.

It should be clear that different people get married for different reasons. In fact, often times a person’s reason(s) may change during the marriage. In addition to all of the sweet and romantic reasons, for me getting married was a personal challenge. Marriage was something that I want and wanted to conquer. It was something I once feared. For most of my life, marriage was my unicorn. By unicorn, I mean that thing that I heard great things about but never witnessed any proof. If I want to capture the elusive unicorn (conquer marriage), changing a couple of habits is a small fee to pay. Isn’t it?

So, now you all know one of the first lessons Cousin Mars has learned since saying “I Do.”

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    1. Ms. Michelle says:

      I thought I caught you slipping while reading that first paragraph. You got me. Nice post.

    2. good post!

    3. After reading the first paragraph I wanted to call you and tell you about all the errors so I clearly needed a reminder of the lesson in this post. I must admit, I often have a tendency to be to vocal (wife calls it critical). It is a good idea sometimes, to remember, you chose your partner, flaws and all. To over criticize, is to admit your selection decision making is flawed…

    4. I thought I was one of the few men that had to quickly realize how beneficial ignoring some of my wife’s habits can be. I like how you are getting points for it though.

    5. SpikesDtr says:

      I love your strategy and discovery. Well done!

    6. 1ST LESSON CONQUERED! Silence is sometimes key.

    7. Gerald McCoy says:

      Couldn’t have said it better Cousin Mars. Makes me wonder how many of my mistakes, quirks and bad habits my wife has just gritted her teeth about and then kept it moving. By the way, I counted five mistakes in your first paragraph, not four… Was the fifth one some kind of test to see if someone would go against the sentiment of your post and be rude enough to point it out? =:^)

    8. Good post. I’m now trying to find the fifth error. I started following your post in October – I think you should so more than just one per month. Maybe its because my girl makes me check out the website at least twice a week.

    9. Well said! Sometimes silence really is golden! Keep up the good work in learning as you move forward and applying what you’ve learned! Great Post Cousin Mars!!!

    10. Bridgette Bridgette says:

      Keep the comments coming, folks!

    11. Anonymous says:

      If reading the post several times I got it. Good post. Keep up the good work.

    12. This was such a transparent, honest and pure post! I absolutely loved everything that Cousin Mars said in this post. I especially loved the part where Cousin Mars explained that precautions need to be made when discussing the not so happy things regarding your mate or your relationship to ensure that hurt feelings aren’t easy to be made. This is a precaution that everyone married or dating needs to take on and practice within our relationships so that the conversation can be successful and well received. Thank you for this post Cousin Mars!!

    13. Thanks for all of the comments.
      @DonP – good point. @Gerald – we have an opening for an editor…interested? lol
      @Jasmine – You’re right…this isn’t only for married couples

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