Marriage Matters Monday – How to Manage In-Laws as Newlyweds

Caught in the Middle: Newlywed Kandi spent much of her engagement caught between her mother and her beau, Todd.

Last week on April 4, 2014, Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss wed her honey Todd Tucker in what appeared to be a fun-filled affair in Atlanta. Kandi happily Tweeted, “This is one of the best days of my life! I never imagined that I would marry my best friend. Todd’s been that to me. And to have just had the wedding of my dreams, it’s all been so beautiful. Now it’s time to party!” Triple B is very happy for the couple and wishes them a happy and healthy marriage.

Those of you who even remotely follow the RHOA know that Kandi’s mother Joyce has not been a fan of Todd or her daughter’s relationship with him. At all!

Mama Joyce’s feud with her daughter over her son-in-law’s true intentions was a major storyline on the Bravo series. In a nutshell, Mama Joyce felt Todd was after Kandi for her money. Kandi is indeed a savvy business woman with a thriving portfolio. (New hubby Todd is a television producer.) Tucker even tried to work things out with Joyce on the show, confronting his future mother-in-law about her “opportunist” accusations.

“I didn’t stop liking you,” she told him. “I stopped respecting you.” She added in January, “They’re together, but I’m out of their relationship.” “I pray and hope that I’m wrong about Todd.”

As a newlywed, I can’t imagine not having my mother’s support of my new union. And I strongly think my husband feels the same way about his mother. The bond between a mother and her child (no matter how old the “child” is) is a strong one. However the reality is not all couples begin their marriages with a loving blessing from their parents. It is easy for us to leisurely sit behind our keyboards, iPads and phones and type away about what we would or wouldn’t do in this type of situation as I’ve witnessed people doing on social media. The bottom line? It is not easy in the real world to choose between a parent and a fiance/fiancee. Especially if you are close to your mother the way Kandi appears to be on the show. To further complicate matters, Kandi has a tween daughter Riley from a previous relationship who is close to Mama Joyce as well. I have witnessed that family feuds often hurt children the most — and the hurt can last way into adulthood.

What would your advice have been for engaged Kandi? If you were actually in a similiar situation, how did you handle it? And now that Kandi and Todd have tied the knot, how can they ensure Mama Joyce doesn’t overstep her boundaries in the affairs of their household. Sound off, folks!
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    1. Christina says:

      Definitely easier said than done but Mama Joyce was just straight up rude, selfish and insensitive in this situation. Kandi is a better woman than me because I would have had to tell my mother off! Mama Joyce is the one using Kandi 4 her $$$ and she’s afraid now that Kandi is married her meal ticket is gone!!!!!

    2. This is a tough one because as you pointed out, it is not an easy decision to make if you’re close to your mom. On the flip side, if you had a great relationship with your mother before you should be able to talk woman to woman and get to the heart of the matter. I really don’t understand why Mama Joyce seems to hate Todd so much? Regardless it is a messy situation. I truly hope Kandy can find happiness in her marriage with Todd because she’s a very hardworking girl and she deserves it.

    3. Aunt Zee says:

      I don’t follow the RHOA , or any of the RHO___ shows, but what is that mom thinking? Anytime you try to drive a wedge between a couple it only serves to draw them closer, i.e. they “circle the wagon.” For Kandy I do believe that marriage is leaving (the parent) and cleaving to (uniting with) the spouse. It is unfortunate that she had to make a choice between the two. I wish Kandy and her mother well. Could it be that the feud was only for tv ratings???

    4. It’s simple ….don’t start anything you can’t keep up.. Make sure your family and spouse’s family understand the importance of YOUR marriage. The rules should be established together and supported by all. There shouldn’t be a loop hole because it’s your family and not in laws.. There will be things that will come up , but if the foundation is there from the beginning it will be fine. Woman to woman and man to man should always be the comparison even dealing with your own parent

    5. I can sympathize with the mother giving her daughter advice before they were married If she felt she was being used.( I never watch the show but after reading this post I think I got it.) The daughter should have the final say in the matter because it’s her marriage. After the mother see that her daughter has taken a stand I think she’ll be alright with it and give them her blessings.

    6. Sadly, this could have been prevented (maybe/to some extent) if Kandi & Mama Joyce had healthier boundaries. When the lines are so blurred, there is not enough respect on either side of the situation. MJ is supposed to be grown and, as a mother, could have approached this situation in a more loving manner rather than resorting to name-calling. Personally, I was getting tired of seeing Kandi cry on the show. I just hope that Todd is the man Kandi believes him to be rather than the crook MJ is concerned he is. Until the smoke clears and he proves his true colors, I hope MJ can keep her composure so that she can continue to have good times with her daughter, granddaughter and new son.

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