Final Friday with Cousin Mars: Marriage Matters

What’s up, everyone? I’ve missed my Triple B family. Expect me to get back on schedule with this post, which by the way, it is a little different from what you’re used to from me. There is no “aha” moment at the end…Just me sharing my thoughts. I wrote this from the heart though so I appreciate any feedback you can share.

I feel it is my job to keep her smiling and, within reason, wanting for nothing. However, like great athletes need coaching and exemplary employees need training, I too need something to successfully and efficiently carry out my job. Actually, I need a few things in order to execute my responsibilities as a husband the way I would like. That is, of course, the way I’d want the husband of my sister or perhaps a daughter to perform his duty. I need to feel that I am appreciated and with someone that is willing and wants to put forth the same effort and energy that I am exerting. In fact, my competitive nature and desire to please a wife of mine probably wouldn’t allow this to happen, but I want someone who aspires to exceed my energy level with regards to pleasing me and creating the best possible relationship. Witnessing someone put their vulnerabilities and insecurities aside for the purpose of me or the relationship we’re in, has a considerable effect – well, for me it does.

After a year of marriage, I have learned several lessons and confirmed many thoughts. I’ve learned that marriage is more accurately described as a marathon than a sprint. To be honest, even a marathon is misleading. Marathons have a finish line. If you’re blessed/lucky and chose the right spouse, death is the only finish line that will impact your union. One of the thoughts I confirmed is “getting over” things is much easier said than done. It is pretty difficult for issues that concerned an individual prior to saying “I do” to just disappear after tying the knot. Honeymoon happiness and cohabitating adjustments can allow desired distractions, but time and (re)developed trust seem to be the only true remedies to those uncomfortable feelings.

There are many benefits of marriage. There is a great sense of comfort that often accompanies having a significant other that you can count on through challenging periods and celebrate with during joyous times. A price must be paid for that sense of comfort. That charge often comes in the form of sweating the small stuff that makes your spouse smile. That charge also includes periodically doing the things that you’d rather not, but you know s/he would do for you. That charge includes embracing vulnerability – primarily because you trust that the person you love without limits refuses to allow anyone or anything to exploit those vulnerabilities. If you believe the first law of nature is self-preservation, can you truly believe someone that isn’t happy, or at least content, is able and willing to keep another person, soul mate or not, wanting for nothing?

Check out Mars weighing in on whether or not men get the baby itch here!

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    1. I have great respect for any man especially but, woman also, that can state what you have above. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasm, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly ; . -Theodore Roosevelt

    2. Mars is bi-zack!

    3. Great Post! I am a big fan! :-)

    4. My boyfriend recently shared similar thoughts. I didn’t realize, until he shared, that in some ways it could appear that I had begun to take him for granted. I now know the importance of showing effort to keep him happy. I also realize now how easily I was able to remind him of all the expectations I have of him, but temporarily lost track of his reasonable expectations of me.

    5. I had to re-read this article for everything to truly sink in. Some really good points especially the part about embracing vulnerabilities. Thanks for the read.

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