So, in one day my heart was broken and I was soon-to-be unemployed. Bad day, no? Absolutely. That evening, I headed to my adjunct teaching class, where upon arriving, I was notified that my annual, unannounced faculty review would be conducted that evening. What!? *deep breath and forced smile* I didn’t know if my day could get any worse, but what I did know was that even if it did, everything was going to be okay. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t worried — I didn’t even cry; not even when others were crying for me because they just could not believe what had transpired on this day.
Faith and complete surrendering to a higher, spiritual power is an exhilarating experience. I knew that this day was completely orchestrated and each event occurred to force my spiritual, financial and personal growth.
I allowed myself 48 hours to process the events of that day. Then, it was time to set a plan in motion. Once I figured out my next steps regarding my financial and professional situation, I put a plan in motion to help me heal. My personal well-being was most fragile. I scheduled time to meet with my therapist, someone who knew me and had previously helped me on my journey towards self-improvement. I created a vision board — something that previously had been done to encapsulate New Year’s resolutions or as part of a girls’ night in. My vision board was now filled with images of things I desired personally and professionally; words that described the type of mother I wanted to be for Ava; health goals, even a few material possessions that I wanted to acquire (I mean, envisioning a new Louie ain’t never hurt nobody, right?). I read. I read books on forgiveness. Books on self-improvement. Iyanla Vanzant’s, Peace from Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You’re Going Through was life changing. I re-read The Alchemist – a couple of times. I prayed. Prayed some more. Sometimes I fell asleep while praying. I gave. I found ways to give of myself to others. Through that I learned that your problems seem miniscule when you are focused on helping others — there isn’t much time to complain and dwell on your problems when you are immersed in the spirit of giving. Then, there was something I read that detailed a woman who created a list of qualities that she desired in her husband, placed it in her Bible and prayed over it daily. I had absolutely nothing to lose, so I made my list. After all, I was the queen of list making, so drafting this list should be a piece of cake. It absolutely was not. It took me a few times to create a list of the qualities that I deemed important in my husband to be. I’ll admit, at first my list was hella shallow, so I had to dig deep and think about what really was important to me. Once, I had a list I deemed to be complete, I prayed over it and placed in my Bible.
Every morning, I prayed, meditated, reviewed my vision board that was hung on a wall in my bedroom and prayed over my list titled My Husband. During this time of transition, I decided that I wasn’t ready to date. I needed to heal and figure out exactly what I wanted; didn’t want; identified my deal breakers and non-negotiables. I knew that my husband was out there and that he was coming, I didn’t know when or how I would meet him, but I had a conviction stronger than I’ve ever had before that he was out there.
Fast forward to July 2014 — a lunch date with one of my college besties turned into a blind date with her co-worker, who is now my fiancé! Completely unexpected, totally not on my radar, but absolutely right on time. There is definitely something to be said about the power of prayer, patience, and faith.
I am blessed and thankful to have celebrated 365 days of being engaged. It hasn’t been perfect. It hasn’t always been easy. It has however, been a testament to how even the direst of situations can blossom into a beautiful love story.
What are your thoughts on dating after a devastating breakup? What your tips for single women who are struggling with their single season of life?