I often check out other wedding-related content on the Web as research for BlackBridalBliss.com. A couple weeks back I stumbled across an article aimed at planning brides on a site I happen to be quite fond of and thought it could be beneficial to my audience as well. Thankfully I read the piece in it’s entirety before sharing it. The married author of said article shared her four rarely-told (her description, not mine) wedding tips and the second one made me come to a screeching halt:
Anticipate that you may lose some friends.
A harsh reality of becoming a bride is that you likely have single girlfriends who don’t foresee marriage in their immediate future. This makes some very jealous and unfortunately, your friendship may suffer for it. A month before my wedding, my former best friend of 14 years flat out told me she was jealous (yes, she actually said “I am jealous”) of my quote/unquote “perfect life” and told me I was going to have to find another maid of honor; she wanted to be happy for me, but she just couldn’t do it.
Huh?! I have so many issues with this, I almost don’t know where to begin. (Long before I started Triple B, I wrote this post on my People.Places.Things blog following my good friend Mo’s wedding.) The fact that a woman is dispelling this type of information as “expertise” to other women is baffling. Just the idea of married women and non-married women being pitted against each other in any capacity is sickening. Obviously the friendship she highlights was strained way before she started planning her trip down the aisle. Can you honestly imagine reading such an article from a man to other men? But, the fact of the matter is we don’t always agree and this author certainly has a right to her opinion as I have a right to mine. So below are the BlackBridalBliss.com tips for planning brides with single girlfriends:
- You’re getting married, not everyone in your circle. Deciding that you want to commit your life to someone is a monumental, life-changing experience that should be celebrated. Hopefully the people you call “friends” will share in your joy and want to celebrate your union as well. But they have their own relationships, families, careers and social lives to maintain in the meantime. Don’t take every unanswered email, text or phone call as an act of “jealously”, your friends might just have a (gasp!) life.
- Not all women want to be married. Newsflash: For a myriad of reasons, many non-married women aren’t ready to say “I Do”. I know countless women who are focused on their careers (especially in the Northeast U.S. where women of all races tend to tie the knot later than other parts of the country), focused on their personal growth and not quite ready to take on the responsibilities that come with being a wife. And — clutch your pearls — they may never choose to take that plunge. So don’t assume that every non-married female in your life is secretly imagining herself wearing your engagement ring.
- You may have some jealous folks in your life who throw you shade during the planning process, but don’t assume that they will be single. While reading the comments on this author’s blog post, a few women actually agreed with her about jealous friends. But those same commenters also pointed out that their “haters” were wives. How telling. This proves what newlywed BBT profoundly pointed out on Twitter while we discussed this topic, “Planning brides should be aware of miserable people whether they are married, single or in a relationship — jealously is not confined to single women.”
- Your relationships with your single friends of both sexes will evolve. I’m single and have never been married but many of both my male and female friends are now hitched. Honestly, our friendships have changed. My married girlfriends have to check with their husbands before they agree to a girlfriend’s getaway to Miami (just as their husbands would do with them). I don’t call or text my male married friends late at night as I might have when they were single because I find that disrespectful to their wives. There is no love lost; folks grow up and out. Hopefully your true friendships will grow along with you.
This is a situation where I think the sage saying is true, “If you’re constantly looking for something, you’re going to find it.” To automatically assume your non-married girlfriends are going to become green-eyed monsters once you decide to jump the broom is pretty depressing. Weren’t these same girlfriends cheering for you when you walked across that stage to pick up your degree? Didn’t they scream to the top of their lungs when you got that long-overdue promotion at work? Did they not comfort you when your grandmother passed away? Okay then. Act accordingly.
What do you think of the other blogger’s advice concerning brides and single girlfriends? Do you agree? Why or why not? Sound off, folks!