Unfortunately this is the way many guests feel when invited to a wedding.

Although I rarely delve into my personal bidness here on Triple B, I felt the need to address something that often becomes an issue when wedding planning. That issue is the dreaded plus-one quandary. As if fine tuning guest lists isn’t complicated enough, there’s an added amount of pressure surrounding which guests should or shouldn’t get a plus one. Ultimately this is a decision the marrying couple (or whoever is footing the bill) makes but I also think those expecting an automatic plus one should take an honest look at their own “relationship” before assuming.

Tradition suggests all wedding guests over age 21 be allowed to bring a date. Most modern couples understandably break this rule due to costs. The majority of us do agree that couples, married or not, in seemingly committed relationships should be invited to weddings and other social functions together. But those on again, off again, I’m not really sure what we are this month and therefore our friends and family are confused too situations can put all involved in an awkward predicament. I know this all too well.

My own road to Mrs. has been a bumpy one with lots of twists and turns. Example? My fiance was actually in the wedding of a close friend a few years back and …wait for it… I was not invited. This was the cause of many an argument but ultimately the wedding came and went and I didn’t attend. I ended up being out of town for said nuptials but it remained a sore spot for us. It is important to mention that this was a pretty large affair by most standards with nearly 300 guests. In a word, I was pissed. This was a hurtful reminder of where our relationship stood. I was not in the exclusive partnership I wanted to be in and I barely knew the couple. When a man is head over heels in love he typically can’t wait to introduce his beloved to his crew. I was in denial. Blame it on being young and dumb, blinded by infatuation, insert another negative adjective here but that situation — along with a few other “How did I miss that?!” moments — was the wake-up call I needed.

Moral of the story? My issue of not being invited to this wedding was not with the couple saying I Do but rather with my then on again, off again boyfriend. When the tone of a relationship is set, those around usually take heed and this applies to weddings as well. Now that we’re planning our own wedding, Mr. TK and I tried to respect those established relationships of our loved ones, and our budget, as much as possible when creating our guest list. What a difference a few years can make, huh?

Oh and if you’re concerned about the stability of Mr. TK and I’s current relationship based on the above story, you should probably channel that concern toward something else. What we have is still far from perfect but it is ours. We’re constantly evolving and no, we don’t get invited to weddings, birthday parties or housewarmings solo anymore. We’ve grown so much. Hopefully my vulnerability in this post will help someone else whether a nearlywed or a wedding guest.