Kyle Douglas, the author of today’s Marriage Matters personal essay, and I have known each other for over 25 years. As always, none of us know what happens in any marriage behind closed doors, but we can certainly learn from and be inspired by the ones that are seemingly healthy, happy and honest about how they attempt to stay that way. I’m proud of the husband and father Kyle appears to have become. I remember when this dude sported a high top fade! Check out his take on what it really means to work at a marriage.

This Husband’s Work by Kyle Douglas

As a child, it is not uncommon for someone to ask the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Back then I gave answers like, “A pilot, a professional football player, and even an electrician.” This mentality stayed with me ’til about my late teens and then something changed. I can’t tell you exactly what triggered it but those things were no longer important. My goal in life was to become a good if not great family man.

Today at age 38, I can say that my goal has been accomplished. I am married with two children and a pet. We have a house, with a white PVC fence. Not quite picket though. (lol) My wife and I both own cars and have things here and there to make life comfortable and enjoyable. By most standards, we’re living the average American family dream. Looking back though, it is easy to say that the most difficult part of obtaining this goal is finding a partner to marry and build that family with. Growing up there are many things we are told about marriage. How it’s beautiful. How it’s love. But after nearly 10 years of it I can surely say one thing: MARRIAGE IS WORK!

In October Huffington Post published an article entitled “Real Love Is a Choice“. The piece talks about the conscious effort that needs to be made to really love your mate. The work that has to be done to keep the marriage going. And with almost half of marriages ending in divorce, you can possibly think of many reasons as to why. I believe that it all boils down to work ethic, which may be the hardest thing to mesh because work ethic varies from person to person. Just like at your job, there are some that will do more than others. There are some that will do just enough to say, “Hey, I did something, right?” Then there is the aspect of understanding the work being done. You would be lucky to find someone with similar work ethic because it will translate to all parts of the union/team. But when one person is only concerned with what work they are doing and not with what’s being done overall the team becomes broken. That’s when you realize some people are just not built for that grind. But it is that grind that will help to accomplish things. It’s that grind that will get you through the tough times. It’s that grind that will build the relationship. Working for each other. If this can be done, not only will your union flourish, but everyone around you will benefit through the example of your true selfless state of love the marriage embodies.

Please weigh in on Kyle’s candid post in the comments.