Solely because I have an issue doing things the way people expect me to, last week I kicked off our What Marriage Means to Me Series with a wonderful unmarried woman instead of one who is presently a Mrs. This week is a bit different. You have another opportunity to peek into the mind of an awesome individual, however this one checks a different box on forms asking about marital status. Meet Kia from New Jersey as she shares her views on marriage and motherhood.
At my daughter’s 1st birthday party, my then boyfriend kneeled down in the dirt and asked me for my hand in marriage. What were my thoughts? Finally I’ll be an “honest” woman! As the sun sparkled off that diamond and family and friends cheered us on, I screamed Yes! We were married 6 months after and just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary on December 1st. Time flies when you’re having fun, moving, raising kids, working full-time jobs, and maintaining social and professional engagements. 9 years later my husband Ronnie and I are living life as one.
We’ve found our groove! What works for us is honesty, friendship, shared parental responsibilities, “adult” time, “Me” time and a house keeper (laughs). Marriage is everything I hoped it would be – security, companionship and growth with a person who knows me best. The first 18 months were probably the hardest because I realized that the myth “nothing changes” is bullsh*t. Marriage does change your relationship; it challenges you to be that person who you vowed to be in front of you friends and family (PRESSURE). Marriage presents you with a new set of standards…i.e. “Well married people shouldn’t do this or that.” I asked my husband Ronnie to contribute too and his “misCONceptions” are as follows: Marriage is not the end; it’s like starting over: Constant effort, building, and growth required for you and your spouse “Forever.” Marriage doesn’t sustain itself – you get out of it what you put into it. While dating, time appeared too plentiful, but now there is less time…“what” you want to do is replaced with what you “have” to do. Marriage is not for everybody and we’ve both grown resentful towards friends who commit adultery or offer advice from a single/non-marriage advantage point. I can say that I am happily married and look forward to growing old with my spouse. I married my friend and our friendship will last forever…which trumps “love”& “sex.”
And when all else fails, I remember the “keys to a successful marriage” as told to me when I was inducted into the 1st Wives club – 3Fs. (Feed him, f*ck him and leave him the f*ck alone).
By the way, I love being addressed by “Mrs.” knowing that I represent a man who loves me. I am at peace knowing that we both have each others back in striving toward a common goal.
What do you think of Kia’s essay? Share in the comments.
And revisit last week’s What Marriage Means to Me essay here.