For the last 20 years, I’ve been getting pressure from my paternal grandfather to change my last name. My parents were not married when I was born, so I was given my mother’s maiden name. My grandfather has made it very clear that he prefers for me to have my father’s name. He’s even gone so far as to tell me that if I don’t change my name I will not be getting any inheritance from him. Our most recent conversation was a little over a year ago. He stated that since I was an adult now I could go to the courthouse myself and change my name without my parent’s consent. I politely informed my grandfather that I had recently relocated for Leonard and predicted that I’d soon be taking his last name. He suggested that I hyphenate, I laughed out loud.  

More recently, I was on a business trip with a co-worker of mine (and fellow military spouse) and she asked me my plans for changing my last name. In my current profession, I interact with numerous people in multiple facilities across 10 states. It’s taken me close to a year to introduce myself to the key people in my organization and will take a lot to get them to start referring to me with my new name. She indicated that she decided to hyphenate because she was older when she married and had already made a name for herself in the industry. She also had concerns because her husband’s last name was very long and hard to pronounce.

I hate to disappoint all the feminists out there, but I am very excited to be a Mrs. and to take Leonard’s last name. I’ve proudly represented the family I was born into for the last 32 years and have a great fondness for my mother, uncles, and aunts and have a very close relationship and bond with my cousins. But now I’m starting a new family and when Leonard and I become husband and wife I want us to share a name (and he’s made it very clear that it won’t be mine). Leonard and I have had the conversation about last names and he’s expressed that his preference is for me to take his last name, but regardless of if I do or don’t he is insistent that his future children carry his name. Just as it was important to my grandfather, I understand the importance to Leonard. I remember a scene from the tv show All of Us where LisaRaye’s character expressed to her ex-husband’s new wife that she was keeping his last name because it was her son’s name and “that’s what families do.” A common last name bonds us and provides a united front to the world. Just as professional athletes proudly wear the name of their team on their chest, I will proudly take and wear the name of my team/family.

I’ve already started practicing my new signature!

Read Nicole’s last post here and revisit this popular post about the controversial name-changing game.