Okay, I have to admit this is a tough one. I may lose my Dude Card for this post, but HEY…this is for Triple B. Popping the big question takes a BIG pair (you know what I mean). Please understand that most men take the fiancee-to-be, her friends and family, his friends and family, and finances (depending on the dude, of course) into consideration prior to Popping the BIG QUESTION.
Men have learned that almost immediately after they propose, women notify friends and family of all the details. All the details. ALL THE DETAILS. Do you get my point? Many guys feel they must conjure up a plan that sounds great for that first phone call (and the million to follow). Type of ring, stone, metal and inscription are all part of the details that we know will be questioned by Lisa, Angela, Pamela and Renee.
Wait, that’s not all. Guys also often spend plenty of time planning the how. The how includes the set-up, ambiance, wording, venue, and company/participants. He still isn’t done. Many guys follow the tradition of seeking the parents’ (or equivalent) approval prior to asking the Big Question. Only after everything that has been mentioned is checked off, does the juicy stuff come. Yup, only at this point do we start questioning everything else. Am I truly finished running around? Even the guys that have never run the streets spend time on this one. Can I really deal with all of her quirks? Is she going to change after marriage? Can I tolerate her family? Can she really tolerate me? And finally, the question that causes most of the stress. I’m talking about the question that often delays and causes rescheduling of the proposal. Are you ready for the question? Drum roll please.
How do I make this proposal more special than she ever imagined? Answering this question can take plenty of time, energy, thought, and advice. Often relatives and/or friends are consulted.
Cousin Mars is about to open up…slightly. My proposal took eight months to plan. It was calculated, yet allowed me to improvise. Only she and I were present, but the proposal included several of our relatives (two of which have passed on). I followed the tradition of seeking her parents’ permission and approval. Although there was almost no doubt that my proposal would be accepted, I was sweating as if I had just played LeBron one-on-one.
My one sentence answer to the question: What goes through a man’s mind before he proposes, would have to be:
Every and anything that can positively impact what will probably be one of the most memorable days in the life of the woman he loves enough to forever alter his life.
Read past posts from Cousin Mars here. Have a question you’re anxious for Mars to tackle? Leave a comment below or send an email to [email protected]!
Mars,
Thank you for this post. As a woman, I often forget that men have complex internal thoughts and things that matter can take time to process. I know about all the things I have to do but, I’ll admit I never thought a man would make an 8 month emotional and social journey before proposing…
Once again, you have helped me in my quest to be more understanding of, and patient with my own complement; he’s often not a confident verbal communicator at this point so, I need all te help I can get.
I must admit, I would have never guessed this much thought could come from a man thinking about proposing. Thank you for providing a peek inside of a man’s mind. I can actually say I’M LIKING FINAL FRIDAYS.
This was a great read. It helps to show me not to put the press on my BF. Hopefully he is as thoughtful as my cousin Mars.
Another good one! You’re becoming a friend in my head. I’m learning guys are a lot more sensitive than most women realize. Keep ’em coming Mars!
Thank you for the kind words. I do appreciate the comments. I’m starting to think there were some doubters initially. Well, I hope to win more approval from the Triple B audience.
Cousin Mars you are the truth! This post is EVERYTHING! Thanks for shedding some light on how men think.
Cousin Mars,
I didn’t doubt your worth to the BBB project- I am just so excited to learn what I never knew. Keep writing, friend!
WOO HOO! Great to see all this feedback. Keep the comments (good, bad or indifferent) coming, folks. And remember, if you have a topic you personally want Mars to tackle, shoot me an email at [email protected] and I’ll forward it to him. You can even be anonymous if you choose.
Well stated, Cousin Mars. This is all news to me. I’m such an untraditional, fly by the seat of my pants person that none of this ever occurred to me. You must have a very smart, compassionate, communicative, emotionally sharing mother. Lol ;-)
I recently discovered this site. Now I’m just going thru. many of the posts. Great reading. Keep up the good work. Hope I’m not too late for the party. Cousin Mars shared some stuff in this post. Thanks
@Kia – You’re definitely not too late for the party. Welcome to the Triple B family!
Now what does it mean when he buys a ring, let’s you know he has bought that ring but doesn’t give it to you… Then that same night decides he doesnt know what he really wants? “I love her as a person, but im not sure about everything else” kind of scenario.