I needed a provocative title in order to pique your interest. In a moment you’ll understand why I chose it. This post may be my most personal Final Fridays with Cousin Mars post to date. In fact, it may actually break a few of the privacy rules I set when I first agreed to contribute to The Ultimate Online Destination for Black Brides. I have received such positive reviews, via emails and post comments, over the past sixteen months. At the risk of sounding extremely corny, I feel as though the Black Bridal Bliss audience deserves a more open Cousin Mars.
The hand that I was dealt caused me to grow-up pretty quickly. This isn’t a complaint, but rather just the way the cards fell. My introductory post shared some information about my upbringing and some of my accomplishments. As Kanye once said, EVERYTHING I’M NOT MADE ME EVERYTHING I AM.
Since getting engaged, my fiancée has asked some of my closest friends if they are shocked that I’m getting married. I truly believe she was just curious. She only asked the few people that she knows I “let in.” I quickly realized that she didn’t ask any associates. Only those with a minimum of a decade of friendship were questioned. It was interesting hearing some of the answers. The guy code was often honored. You know what I mean, right? Several friends either gave me that quick look – almost as if asking permission to be candid. Other friends immediately felt comfortable enough sharing their honest opinions.
Although she never asked me, I thought I’d share my answer with all of you. I grew up believing that marriage wasn’t necessary. I recognized some of the potential benefits, but for the majority of my life I felt the possible cons of marriage outweighed the pros. Growing up, I subscribed to the belief that marriage just meant signing a piece of paper and guaranteeing a huge fight in the event of a break-up. I understood commitment and figured nothing was wrong with shacking up. Besides, shacking up was par for the course where I grew up.
So, she actually hasn’t made me a better man. I honestly don’t think she, or anyone for that matter, is capable of doing that. However, the responsibility I feel to properly care for my wife, my mother, mother-in-law, and any children that may come from this union has caused me to become a better man. In fact, the progression is still in the early stages. Being married has, albeit for only a short time, inspired me to view the present and future differently than I had in the past.
I anticipate even more growth as a married man and look forward to sharing that growth with you here on Triple B in 2014. Happy Holidays to you all; see ya in January! Oh and by the way, remember you can follow my musings in between Final Fridays on Instagram.
[Editor’s Note: Please share your feedback on this post in the comments below, as well as, revisit some of the other popular posts penned by Mars in 2013 like No Tigers in My Bathroom and Just a Friend.]
Very interesting that she asked your friends that. I wonder if she was trying to make sure you were sure. Normally I think involving others (even close friends and family) in your relationship is a no-no but it seems like she was genuinely just interested in their responses. Congrats again on tying the knot Mars and enjoy the rest of your holidays with your new wife.
Good 4 u! You probably don’t realize that you’re breaking generational and cultural curses. Congrats to you and your wife!
Awe………. thank you so much for accepting the responsibility to share and care for me, know that it is greatly appreciated.
I think I told you a long time ago, my daughter have always danced to her own music, no one will never know why she questioned your friends, “if they were shocked that you were getting married” I’ve learned to try and not figure out why she does some of the things she does .
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Awww Cuz, I’m so happy for you and Bridgette. How long will I have to wait for some cute chubby cheeked baby cousins??? Love you. :-)
Thanks for commenting, everyone!
Taking responsibility for others is huge. A great therapist once stated “you’re responsible to them, not for them.” Big difference. Be careful not to paint the proverbial S on your chest. Just do your very best, always. One Love.
@SD-Very good point! I’m glad you shared that caveat.
Great article! Yes, growing up you start to find that it all begins with you first and then you can expand your love and nurturing beyond yourself. So proud to have watched the evolution.