Don't Worry, Be Happy: Me & Mr. TK last summer on Fire Island

I have no desire to be a relationship expert of any kind. The only relationship I want to be an expert on is my own. (Kudos to those true professionals who have studied their butts off to help the rest of us navigate our love lives.) However this is on my heart and mind so I wanted to share. I’ve only been married a few months but one thing I’ve already learned is it requires way too much time and energy to worry what others think of your union. In the words of this quite profound toddler, after you say “I Do”, it is even more important to worry about yourself.

Once you cross over into the land of holy matrimony, folks constantly ask, “How’s married life?” Most people sincerely are curious. Others are just making conversation. Some are itching for you to complain. Regardless of their motives, I strongly think being a newlywed is a time of your life — more than ever — to focus on you and your partner and to tune out the peanut gallery. From (seemingly) trivial decisions like who will handle the laundry to more longterm ones like creating a living will, to balancing a demanding career with home life, marriage keeps your plate full.

In my experience the more time you concern yourself with what others think about your marriage, the less time you spend enjoying your marriage. Thankfully Mr. TK and I got good practice sifting through the unsolicited advice during our engagement. So now rather than worry myself about folks who speculate how I live as a freelancer (Gotta laugh when other people try to count your money.), Mr. TK and I are plotting and building for the future. People will talk. Let them talk.

Long before I even met my husband, my mother instilled in me the importance of being self-assured. My mom lived (and still does) by the mantra: comparison is the thief of joy. She told me that once you start comparing and “keeping score” with your friends it never stops. I distinctly recall her warning me in my teen years, “First you’re comparing clothes, then jobs. Then you’re comparing engagement rings. Next it is washing machines and vacations and children. It doesn’t stop so don’t you start.”

I can only speak for Mr. TK and I but between trying to keep all the things that are important to us healthy and happy — romance, relationships with family + friends, careers — there’s no time to worry about what others think about what we do and how we’re doing it. Some people say that their marriage isn’t work. We know ours is; but the work is fulfilling to us. We know other married couples who are able to do things that financially we cannot right now. We are secure enough to be happy for them. Genuinely.

Worrying about us>worrying about others and worrying about others who worry about us. Who would guess a child in a car seat would have such lasting words of wisdom to share about marriage?

P.S. – Lupita Nyong’o stunned at Saturday night’s Screen Actors Guild Awards in a fierce Gucci gown. (!)

Have you received any valuable relationship advice from a child? If so, what was it?