It has been a long time Triple B. I deliberated long and hard over whether or not to share the reason for my absence. And while it was very hard and extremely personal, it is my hope that by sharing I can help someone else.
Like so many of my sisters out there, I have been plagued with uterine fibroids for years. Conventional methods were not addressing my issues and the fibroids were leaving me dangerously iron deficient. At a routine appointment, my doctor, so concerned with the severity of my current situation sent me to the emergency room. After testing I was immediately hospitalized. My blood count was so low I was given several transfusions and prepped for an emergency hysterectomy.
Through our marital planning Shawn and I had discussed the option of children. Since we are of a certain age and we both already had big kids we agreed we were satisfied with our current family dynamic. We decided we would not have any more children.
Funny thing though, when circumstances force your hand, you can’t help but second-guess a decision you thought you were good with. And I did just that. I began to have baby twinges. I also questioned whether he would truly be okay with this decision. I mean this was final; there is no “backsies”. No chance for reconsideration. No uterus means no babies, EVER. Would he really be able to accept a wife who couldn’t bare his child? I usually pride myself on my strength, but in this I felt completely defined by my sex. I felt helpless.
Here is where this man reminded me why I am marrying him. I shared my concerns about his inability to accept this decision, to accept me after. And he laid all my fears to rest. He told me I was all that mattered. My health was all that mattered. No baby could replace me. He said he planned on spending the rest of his life with me. If this is what needed to be done to ensure that happens, then this needed to be done. He was so resolute in that statement I knew everything was going to be okay. We were going to be okay. Shawn was right there with me when they wheeled me into the operating room, and right there when I woke up. We are truly testing “in sickness and in health” before we take vows, and I am sure there is no one I would rather take those vows with.
Through it all I know I am blessed.
Another wonderful blog Jene that shows Black love is BEAUTIFUL and STRONG!!. Keep up the good work,, and God speed with you recovery.
Jene, I’m in tears. Thank you for opening up about something so personal. I have a girlfriend who is trying to get pregnant and unlike you and your fiance, her and her husband don’t have any children. But, they do have each other. THey’re considering adopting now. I know they will be great parents. I am forwarding this to her to encourage her. May God continue to bless you and Shawn.
Thanks for sharing your story. I was diagnosed with Fibroids some years ago and I know the trouble they put you through. I was always self-concious, uncomfortable and in pain. I too, had to have surgery in 2005 to remove them. However, they did return two years later & it was thought to have contributed to my me having a problematic pregnancy delivering my son @ 25 weeks. As of now, I don’t suffer like I did prior so I am relieved and it is a blessing to have a wonderful partner by yourside. Thanks and wishing you two many years together
Wow! That is the first word that comes to mind. I applaud your willingness to share such a personal story. I’m sure this is part of why the Root recognized B.B.B. As a male, I admit that I probably will never fully understand your stress relating to not being able to have a child with your spouse. However, having read this post helps me to begin to understand some of the issues that I probably would not have known existed. If ever a time presents itself that I find myself drawing back to this post, I hope you know I’ll be forever grateful for being able to “get it” before my spouse has to fully explain her pain.
Thank you