It has been a long time Triple B. I deliberated long and hard over whether or not to share the reason for my absence. And while it was very hard and extremely personal, it is my hope that by sharing I can help someone else.
Like so many of my sisters out there, I have been plagued with uterine fibroids for years. Conventional methods were not addressing my issues and the fibroids were leaving me dangerously iron deficient. At a routine appointment, my doctor, so concerned with the severity of my current situation sent me to the emergency room. After testing I was immediately hospitalized. My blood count was so low I was given several transfusions and prepped for an emergency hysterectomy.
Through our marital planning Shawn and I had discussed the option of children. Since we are of a certain age and we both already had big kids we agreed we were satisfied with our current family dynamic. We decided we would not have any more children.
Funny thing though, when circumstances force your hand, you can’t help but second-guess a decision you thought you were good with. And I did just that. I began to have baby twinges. I also questioned whether he would truly be okay with this decision. I mean this was final; there is no “backsies”. No chance for reconsideration. No uterus means no babies, EVER. Would he really be able to accept a wife who couldn’t bare his child? I usually pride myself on my strength, but in this I felt completely defined by my sex. I felt helpless.
Here is where this man reminded me why I am marrying him. I shared my concerns about his inability to accept this decision, to accept me after. And he laid all my fears to rest. He told me I was all that mattered. My health was all that mattered. No baby could replace me. He said he planned on spending the rest of his life with me. If this is what needed to be done to ensure that happens, then this needed to be done. He was so resolute in that statement I knew everything was going to be okay. We were going to be okay. Shawn was right there with me when they wheeled me into the operating room, and right there when I woke up. We are truly testing “in sickness and in health” before we take vows, and I am sure there is no one I would rather take those vows with.
Through it all I know I am blessed.