So you’re planning your wedding… Yipee! You’ve even decided which loved ones (female or male) you wish to have by your side when you say “I Do”. But what’s next? Usually Triple B brings you the 411 on all things weddings however today the script is being flipped and you’re answering the tough questions. What is the most appropriate way to ask someone to be your bridesmaid or is there one?
Is it a simple phone call? A handwritten note card? A face-to-face conversation over brunch or cocktails? What about email or text messaging? Or does it depend on the circumstances? (My vote is on the latter.) Do you have a completely different suggestion?
Perhaps it is because of my own recent engagement but this topic has been on my mind as of late and I recall an engaged colleague being plagued with the same “dilemma” a few years back. Now let’s be clear — there are much bigger matters to ponder in life like deciding whether or not to homeschool your children or learning to cope with a parent’s early signs of dementia. But this is a bridal blog so all things bridal are covered. And there’s no judgment here at Triple B so please weigh in honestly.
[Image courtesy of Mademe Noir.]
Now tell me: How did you or do you plan to ask your friends and family to be part of your bridal party?
I plan on asking by phone (since most are out of the state I live in). If we lived in the same state I would probably have asked them out to lunch or coffee and asked in person. If it can be done in person to me is the best option.
I plan on taking them out to a nice restaurant and have brunch. I will give a speech on why I chose them. I will give each individual a wrapped box and sealed envelope card requesting if they can be my bridesmaid. The wrapped box will be have many little gifts that represent our friendship. Its a welcome package for taking on the role as my bridesmaid. I will have six bridesmaid
I do have one friend that is out of state. I will wait until she is in town, or whenever I am in DC whichever is first and give her the same treatment as the other ladies. : )
Thanks for the helpful feedback Samantha and Evol Me! Face to face does seem best when it is possible. Evol, I really like your personal touch suggestions.
@Evol Me, you might want to consider these fun items for your potential bridesmaids: https://blackbridalbliss.com/2012/06/20/bridgettes-pick-of-the-week-sterling-silver-bridesmaid-gift-rings-from-shameonjane-com/
I asked everyone either in person or over the phone. With something that big, people should hear your voice. One of my best friends just got engaged and she called me and asked. I felt so much better than I would have had I gotten an email or a text.
While I agree that the face-to-face/telephone are great, I have been a bridesmaid 5 times and my favorite ‘ask’ was an old-fashioned, handwritten note from one of my dearest friends. In it, she acknowledged the sacrifices of time and $ it would require and ended by saying that she would love me no less if I couldn’t do it. This was important since I was in a phase of my career where my net worth was declining by the hour despite my being there as many as 110 hrs/week. She pretty much gave me an ‘out’ in case my money was going to be too funny. I felt so honored that she was considering the needs of her bridal party as ‘her day’ was being planned; we were not an afterthought.
But, I’m an old fogey who loves getting snail-mail so, each bride should do what makes her feel comfortable and her friends feel loved.
Also, I might be wary of any group meeting since some may be too embarrassed to decline in a public forum.
@ Mrs. R – Thanks for weighing in with your comments!
@Incog – I still dig a handwritten note card, too. In fact, I have a huge crush on pretty stationery. Your friend was very selfless in her actions; sounds like a keeper!