Cousin Mars posts typically go up on the last Friday of the month but got pushed back a little last week because of Triple B’s 3rd Anniversary celebration! This is a touchy one, y’all. I look forward to reading your feedback (whether you agree or disagree) in the comments.

Ultimatums in romantic relationships are often joked about. In fact, many people in my circle have been on the receiving end. As I get older (not old, just older) I find more and more associates sharing stories of some pretty bold ultimatums. These have ranged from cohabitating, marriage, having children and a myriad of others. As recent as two weeks ago, while interviewing for a Triple B post last week, I was told about an ultimatum that led to a proposal.

As usual — in my world at least — this ultimatum was given by the female. Funny thing is what I heard immediately after being told about the ultimatum. In fact, what I heard immediately after has been told to me several times from a few people. Enough suspense? Several men that have shared some sort of relationship ultimatum with me have also shared with me that they needed (and kind of wanted) the push provided with the ultimatum. Having been in multiple serious relationships, sometime overlapping (don’t judge me), I understood when these guys shared that they received welcomed ultimatums.

For many men, the wife selection process is a layered one. I don’t want to give too much away, but I guess I must share some classified G14 information (Rush Hour joke) in order for you to follow me. One of the early steps/layers in the process is accepting that you are considering spending a long time with someone. I don’t know why, but we rarely say forever this early in the process. I guess “a long time” isn’t as permanent and intimidating. Unfortunately for some women, after men recognize that we are in fact able to be with someone for a long time we can drag our feet for a while. Men often fall victim to buying into the theory that we are going to miss out on whatever may be next. This has caused many men to miss out on great women. We fool ourselves into thinking that we are able to keep a woman happy enough not to leave, but still keep ourselves in the running for the unicorn like (meaning non-existent) perfect next one. It is only during this stage that guys secretly appreciate that ultimatum. Primarily because we know that the bird in hand is exactly what we want, but continue to use that bush as reason for procrastination.

When a relationship ultimatum comes at the right time, it provides a desired nudge. Once nudged, we often go full steam ahead. I often laugh when speaking with women that have given these ultimatums. Almost without fail the women say or imply that they should have given the ultimatum(s) sooner. I laugh only because I know that timing is everything in this case. In fact, jumping the gun too early on this one can leave a woman eating ice cream on a Friday night while listening to old school R&B and wearing granny panties. My apologies…painted too clear of a picture, right?

So, although extremely risky…ultimatums can work. Good luck!