Do men really have a problem dating successful women? Better yet, do men truly have an issue committing to successful women? F.Y.I. – There is a difference between dating and committing. I’ve dated multiple six figure earners. Two of these relationships were when six figures were still viewed as a huge deal. Several of my friends have also dated women that most would deem successful. Several of these relationships have graduated into marriage. Few have ended as a result the woman’s success – well, kinda.
The relationships that ended at least partially because of the woman’s success were foreseen – at least by me. Studies have shown that men viagra successful in physically aggressive professions (i.e. police/corrections officers, football players, military personal) have a higher percentage of spousal/significant other abuse than their counterparts in more relaxed professions (i.e. monthly blog post writers). It is popular belief that the reason for this is people in these fields (and some others) aren’t able to hit the off switch on the aggressive behavior outside of work. Please understand that MOST police/corrections officers, football players, military personal are cool dudes. In the movie Along Came a Spider, Morgan Freeman’s character has a line “You do what you are.” This line is in response to another character questioning her profession choice. If this line has any truth, my theory is supported. Many of the traits and characteristics that seem to be shared by a large percentage of successful women of color, are often suggested as the cause for many of these women being unmarried. I don’t think it is that simple. I believe many of these women, similar to the aforementioned men, are unable to hit the off switch outside of work.
I don’t think most men with good (not great) careers necessarily care if their better half earns more and/or holds a higher title. However, I do think many people wouldn’t want this thrown in their face – and definitely not often. Although I don’t know why this is, I think many would agree that some of the most successful women are sometimes the most insecure in the privacy of their home. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that these women often wear the war mask / game face for the majority of each day. At home it is probably a relief to feel like little lady in the arms of the one they love.
I cannot believe that success is the biggest factor in the high percentage of unmarried successful women. My honest thoughts suggest the personalities of these individuals create more of an issue than the professional accolades. My crew and I are proof that success alone isn’t a deterrent to beginning a relationship. Times have changed during recent decades and I think the issue men had with dating successful women has diminished drastically.
What do you think of your fave cousin’s opinion here? Leave a comment with your thoughts. And feel free to revisit his previous Triple B posts here.
Good post. I used to be one of those women that thought men were intimated by their female counterparts who held high positions and/or made more $$$ than them. Honestly, I had a chip on my shoulder. I used to think I worked hard and busted my a** through school to get 2 degrees so I don’t want a man who has less. But, the older I got (I’m now 35) I began to think differently. Now I’m happily engaged and set to get married in the spring. My finance makes about the same as me but he does manual labor (sanitation) while I’m a director who works in an office and wears a suit everyday. I supervise a team of 7. When I’m at home with my fiance, I don’t have to be the “boss” and I like that. But it took me some years to let that guard down and learn to let a man be a man. So far, it’s working for us.
Good topic. I think the post left a lot to the imagination as far as the intimidation factor. Men who ARE intimidated by a woman’s higher salary/ career success are insecure, or stuck in a more traditional mindset that dictates that men should be the breadwinners – and not necessarily turned off by her personality. Success may not be the biggest determinant for a black woman not being married, but with the percentage of college educated women outpacing men, and earning power outpacing black mens’ there is probably a correlation.
@ Michelle – Congrats on your engagement. I’m happy you were able to recognize your role in your happiness. It is great that you are now experiencing bliss.
@ Prudenence – I completely agree with you regarding the men & their reasons that are still intimidated. I also think there are few educated men under 35yrs. old that continue to buy into the “traditional” mind set you referenced.
This is definitely a topic that ten people can have ten totally different opinions about. However, it appears as though the masses today have a different view than the masses fifteen years ago.
I’m loving this exchange! Keep the comments coming, folks.
Truly confident individuals don’t get caught up in titles or figures. That being said, I know that those individuals are few and far between. Having been in relationships with several attorneys, at social events it always turned into “mine is bigger than yours.” There is a time and place for competition, an intimate relationship is not one of them.
I kind of disagree with this article in some parts. I do believe there are men who are intimidated by some women success, we are not putting them in whole with all men. However there are men who feel very insecure when their woman are very successful. I do agree there are a fraction of women who do throw there success in a man’s face and that can get very old after sometime. But that doesn’t change the fact There are many men who are dealing with there insecurities and they can feel intimated if there stuff is not together. Some men want/or like to feel like a man, majority of them do. So I think it all deals with confidence in his self and where he stands with his lady on issue. If he is insecure, you will see this in the realtionship and if she is insecure in her self, she will throw her success in his face. They both need to be whole as individuals and respect each other at the end of the day.
@ Prudence I agree @ Mars I do believe many men are still dealing with this issue of playing their role. I don’t have a problem with letting a man be a man, however some men has this concept consume them, and many are not stepping up to play their role , that they are trying so hard to keep. @SpikeDtr I love your comment There is a time and place for competition, an intimate relationship is not one of them. Both men and women need to understand this.
Happy New Year
@Evol Me – No one point of view can represent all men on an issue such as this. I don’t think either of us are wrong – in fact, I’m sure we can both provide examples to prove our respective arguments. Communication, trust, and respect are all important components in eliminating this type of intimidation and/or competition within relationships.
I know I’m late, but please excuse me. I recently discovered this site & am now in love with it. The female site with a male opinion is great. Great website and great writers.
Better late than never, Erica! Mars will posting again next week (1.25.13) so stay tuned for more!
I wish all men were REAL men. If so, this type of post wouldn’t have anyone’s interest. Unfortunately for us, too many men actually are intimidated by successful women.
@Kia – “If all men were real men this type of post wouldn’t have anyone’s interest…” Pretty much. Thanks for commenting!
I’m going to go against the grain and state two things: 1) If a woman is of a certain age and highly successful but continually seems to run into financially insecure men, I’d say the problem is with the woman. She might want to re-evaluate how she conducts herself in relationships or the type of men she dates. 2) If a man is truly intimidated or insecure with the money his woman makes, well, he’s probably not worth dating and dating women for the wrong reason. If a man will let his woman’s money determine how he conducts himself, it speaks volumes for his values and long-term viability as a partner.
@Gerad – Keep the comments coming!