You decided not to go the Gabrielle Union route so you’re having bridesmaids for your big day! Awesome, right? Well even when you’ve done your best to accommodate your bridal party, some bridesmaids might act out. The truth is, weddings tend to bring out true colors which can be overwhelmingly joyous or incredibly disappointing for you. Here’s how to deal with the latter.
Difficult Bridesmaid #1: Ms. Too Cool for School
She’s not interested in any pre-wedding activities you’ve planned or suggested (engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc.) and has a Debbie Downer reaction to all conversation regarding your nuptials.
Solution: People tend to underestimate the changes that marriage will bring to every aspect of life — including friendships. I know I did. Your relationships with both family and friends does — and should — evolve after saying “I Do”. Some of your bridesmaids might be worried that they’re going to lose a dear friend after she becomes a Mrs. Assure them that your friendship will evolve but that there isn’t any love lost. Remind them that they’re not losing a friend but rather gaining another in your spouse.
Difficult Bridesmaid #2: The Trouble-Maker
Although they attempted to shield you from the drama, your other bridesmaids have indicated that one BM isn’t being a team player. She’s always too busy, too tired, blah, blah, blah and she brings everyone else’s energy down.
Solution: Newsflash: This isn’t about her busy schedule or a making shower favors. Said BM might not have a connection to the rest of your attendants and could feel as though she doesn’t fit in with the rest of your crew. Invite her out for coffee and get to the root of the problem. Remind her of why you asked her to be in your wedding in the first place. Stroking her ego a bit might be the reassurance she needs for an attitude adjustment.
Difficult Bridesmaid #3: Everything is Sooo Expensive!
She complains about the cost of everything related to your wedding.
Solution: If you believe in your heart of hearts that you’ve been reasonable about your wedding requests (Be honest!) yet said BM is still stretched financially, maybe you should relieve her from the duties. What you’re reading as “difficult” just might be frugalness. Consider asking her to read a special poem or to be a hostess instead. Hopefully neither of you will resent each other later.
Difficult Bridesmaid #4: Mrs. Know-It-All
She compares your wedding planning to what she did or didn’t do for hers and offers way too much unsolicited advice.
Solution: Find a tactful way to remind her that it is your turn which might not be easy especially if she’s a newlywed. Stand your ground and consider saying something like, “I had a ball at your wedding but Richard and I have decided to go this route for ours. I appreciate all the tips girl but we gotta do this our way.”
Difficult Bridesmaid #5: The Obligatory Future Sister-in-Law
She’s actually not difficult at all but your family or maybe society has hoodwinked you into thinking it was a must for your fiance’s sister to be one of your bridesmaids.
Solution: Why start any of your marriage off being unauthentic? If you genuinely have a close friendship with your future sister-in-law, great. But if not, let her be your fiance’s groomsmaid. She’ll probably be relieved. Or create another memorable way for her to be a part of the day. Wasting her time for the sake of some silly tradition is lame. The same goes for asking people to be a member of your bridal party just so you and your fiance have an equal number of attendants.
Lastly, some friendships just aren’t meant to last a lifetime. People can grow apart, and a wedding is often the catalyst for such a split because it’s so charged with emotions. While it is easier said than done, be realistic about where your friendships with difficult bridesmaids stood before you became engaged and accept that the season might be over.
Have any tips to add? Do you or did you have a difficult bridesmaid? How did you deal?
The timing of this post is just too ironic. Yes weddings indeed bring out many colors, shades, tones, hues, etc you name it! lol.
The key is being honest with your assessment. Then respectfully communicating and realizing you will both be better off when there aren’t clouds hanging over. I recently expressed my feelings to a friend who replied “if you were trying to hurt my feelings you did.” My reply, “that wasn’t my intention I just needed to express what I’ve been holding inside. It was causing me to suffer.” It felt like an albatross had been removed.
You are certainly diplomatic in dealing with the drama queens! All your advice/suggestions sound logical but, for the most part, you’re dealing with illogical beings. Overall the bottom line is, as you’ve said, open and honest communication.
Gurrrl…smh.
Hmmm…I’ve been a bridesmaid, and now, I have been a bride…I hate to say this but we women tend to be funny acting with one another anyway and add a wedding to the mix and emotions and other stuff will bubble up to the surface :)
Thanks for commenting all. A good friend once told me (long before I got engaged) that no large gathering reveals personalities like weddings and funerals. I now believe her.
I was a maid of honor at my friend’s wedding and every bridesmaid was against it because they wanted my role as the Maid of Honor ,A maid of Honor is not for show but to stand as support for the bride, and I know that’s why my friend chose me because I will get things done and I was responsible . When it came to dish out money for all the expenses, no one had money because it was a recession. I paid for an expensive suite over the water, paid for all expense paid destination bachelorette in Puerto Rico, and the bridal shower party. All on me. No one gave me a dime. My mom and friends pull me to the side and said this isnt your wedding you shouldnt be spending so much. I was bother with my friend because she had all these bridesmaids who had a lot to say about everything, but didnt contribute to anything. Most of the girls that were in her wedding were people from her church, who she just befriended when she join the church. What I learn about the whole ordeal is that you need to choose people who will stand by your side and really be there, not to fill a space or show off. I was so upset that I almost didnt come to the wedding my mother told me that I will be so wrong. They charge eveything to the room and I had to front the bill. When I get married, I will have a small circle of friend who I know will be there for me physical,spirtually, and emotionally. Many of these females for there own reason are not happy, so I think it is imperative that you select your bridesmaids wisely. I know for one I will dismiss a bridemaid in a second, I dont have time for pettiness I need your support.
Man it’s my sister, maid of honor I’m dealing with!!! I have told everyone to get their dresses. If you don’t or haven’t before the dress is not available in your size…sorry I will add you to the invite guest list
Wow…so much heat on this post. It makes one wonder why these people are in your bridal parties! You gotta have only ride-or-die chicks as ‘maids. I got the sense that BBB was trying to focus on the positive and find ways to keep relationships intact whilst one is transitioning into a new life phase. I have been a ‘maid 5 times and, in each case, we worked to maintain the bride’s joy. No, not everyone can always afford the same level of financial contribution to every event but, each one should give of her time, talent and treasure as she can; when one element is lacking, add in a heaping spoonful of another.
I just pray that all of you hurting brides-to-be can be healed of what is clearly deep pain and frustration so that you can get your Bliss on!
@Evolve & SBouie – Hopefully this post will help you navigate any potential bridesmaid drama in the future.
@Ronda – Thank you, as always, for expressing such a sincere and thoughtful comment with the Triple B family.
I feel that you do what you want. Have a talk once the bridesmaids have been picked. Be honest who you pick just because they are friends or family doesn’t mean that they will work with the preparation of the wedding.