Please enjoy the below essay from a new contributor to BlackBridalBliss.com — Verdel A. Jones. Verdel is an educator in Long Island, New York and has been married to her husband Jeremiah (pictured above) for 26 years and counting. Be sure to show her some Triple B love in the comments after reading!
I Married My Best Friend…
Yes, it is somewhat cliché to say, “I married my best friend”. But I did. However, that deep connection built on our friendship, developed over time. When we got married we were great friends, but the best part came when we both learned how to appreciate and nurture that relationship. Jeremiah and I have been married for more than 26 years; we were high school sweethearts, shared ups and downs, highs and lows. We’ve been through it all, but we have remained friends…We actually really like each other and are stronger as a result [of our challenges].
What is a best friend? Webster defines best as: better than all others in quality or value, excelling all others. The word friend is defined as: a person who you like and enjoy being with, a person who helps or supports someone, one attached to another by affection or esteem, and one that is not hostile. Putting these two words together is a powerful thing.
A husband as a best friend is very different then your girlfriend best friend. Your girlfriends will go to the mall with you; eat food your husband would never eat…”Small plates, I’m a grown ass man I don’t do small plates“. Exactly — that is what your girls are for. You share so much with your girlfriends and that is a much needed and coveted relationship. However, you have to have that relationship with your spouse. The type of relationship where you are supported, respected and held in esteem. To be in a marriage with your best friend means feeling comfortable and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, trusting that they’ve got your back. That doesn’t happen in an instant, best friendships have to be cultivated over time. In a marriage that can be tricky. There are so many expectations set and it can be difficult to relent and not be defensive. However, if you start with the premise of liking each other and working from a space of respect, a wonderful best friendship can be on going.
Jeremiah and I view our friendship as best because we strive to make it successful and put trust in one another. I remember a time where I would go to my girls for a lot of support. But the support I could have benefited from most was my husband’s. Women often talk to each other about their significant other and get advice, but we have no idea what men are thinking. However, if you talk to your man – he will let you know. A best friend is someone you tell your hopes and dreams to and are excited to be around. So, what does that look like in our day to day lives? For us that looks like different things. Most of all it deals with liking each other immensely. You can love someone because you’re related or love out of obligation, but to truly like someone is a different thing. There is a level of respect involved and also the ability to be around each other even when you are angry about something you perceived they did wrong. For us it’s doing the most mundane tasks together, and enjoying doing it. We often joke about our hot date on Friday night — going to Costco! It’s not just the going, it’s the going together. Spending time shopping for our family, talking and debating about silly and sometimes serious topics are times that we look forward to. Wherever we go or whatever we do we have fun we laugh and share our thoughts. These are the things that keep a marriage strong. Spending time on some level just doing normal things; we enjoy each others company.
So what does friendship look like in your marriage? How will you become best friends with your spouse? Are you already?