keep calm and stay in your lane

Lots of awesome marriage advice is shared here on Black Bridal Bliss. All of it has come from people in seemingly happy and healthy marriages. However, I don’t have the time, energy or skill-set to get involved in anyone else’s marital affairs. 

Let me explain.

Marriages are very complex relationships. There’s lots of twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows to this here married life. Every union has it’s own DNA. There are too many nuances to yours and yours and theirs and mine to think they can all follow the same blueprint. Even when close friends or family members who are married experience rocky times, those of us who are on the outside looking in should learn to keep our opinions to ourselves and let the two people who took the vows to each other work it out. This can be especially challenging for those we are very close to but it is necessary to avoid messiness and drama.

My personal mantra is this: Unless I think the safety and well-being of children is being compromised and/or there is domestic abuse taking place, it isn’t my business. Translation: I’m gonna worry about me and mine. I’ve been in situations where I literally cried multiple times because I felt someone close to me was in a marriage where they were being mistreated — in this case there was infidelity involved. Time passed and that couple through counseling and a whole lotta ish I know nothing about (nor should I) worked it out and now appear to be in a much better place. That was a huge learning lesson for me and one I’m thankful I learned before my own marriage began. I was angry at said person’s spouse long after they resolved their stuff and as a result all of our interactions had became very awkward.  But, we all got through it. My loved one has forgiven their spouse and moved on so I decided to move on as well. It is never a wise decision to get too wrapped up in someone else’s business — especially business of two people who said “I Do” to each other.

I don’t think this means we shouldn’t aim to be a helping hand or listening ear to our friends and family members who occasionally need to vent about their spouse. But there’s a fine line between being supportive to a loved one in their time of need regarding their marriage and getting too involved in their relationship bid-ness. Sometimes we simply have to say no, I will not give you my advice on xyz. You and your wife or husband need to work that out yourselves. Or, I don’t agree with blah, blah, blah but hey…If you like it, I love it. In the long run, your loved one will probably thank you for your discernment. Or maybe they won’t. But I guarantee that is the better road to take than the meddling one.

What say you? Please share your thoughts on this matter in the comments below.